Hopefully this will be the final part of a 4 part series on this miserable topic. I say miserable because the perpetrator is also a miserable subject. In the long run, and looked at it from above, these kind of women are not only miserable but also tediously dull...anyone whose life is so empty must be. But then that's their problem not mine.
So the examples given in my previous post were to illustrate that ; regardless of who, what, how you are, these kind of poisonous females will always find something to jealous or envy. You may be rich, poor, pretty, ugly, fat, thin, married, single, with children, without children, young or old...it really doesn't matter -- envious/jealous women will always find something to envy in others. Always.
One may argue that envy/jealousy is part of human nature and surely we have all suffered pangs from it. Yes, true. However, when envy/jealousy becomes chronic, it becomes a pathology - a state of being. And that is when it becomes poisonous. And yes some women suffer from CHRONIC envy and jealousy
Pop psychology wants us to believe that the reason behind this pathological state is insecurity with self and a general dissatisfaction with oneself and with life (be it material, physical, emotional, intellectual sexual). Even though they may be some truth to these assertions, I believe the problem lies elsewhere.
This pathology and it is a pathology even though some women may not realize they have it - and there's absolutely no point trying to show them that they have it, because their first line of defense is denial or emotional blackmail/manipulation with -- "how could you possibly think that of me" trying to take you on a guilt trip. Forget that. Your instincts were right all along. These are women who are just jealous in a sick kind of way and do not want you to succeed in any one aspect that they covet for themselves or where they feel they are lacking.
And this is where the psychological explanations are incomplete - the key word here is "lack". And this is where this poisonous pathology is not only an emotional/mental problem but also a moral and spiritual one. And alas pop psychology is interested in neither.
Envy/Jealousy was considered one of the cardinal sins of the soul --- why is that ? I will tell you why (at least insofar as I understand it) -- because not only does it hurt the recipient (as I explained in previous posts) and not only does it ultimately and eventually hurt the "giver" of this vile energy, but also because the subject who lets herself go, slip into this mental attitude/ state of being BELIEVES in LACK.
Which means that this woman is CUT OFF from her spiritual center, which means that this woman believes that there isn't enough to go round, which means that this woman is denying ABUNDANCE. And Abundance is one Divine attribute. To deny one attribute of the Divine is to deny the Divine for the Divine is known in and by His Attributes.
So this mental pathology is basically a SICKNESS of the SOUL. A sickness of the soul is a DISEASE of the HEART . As the Koran says - and those in whose hearts there is a disease. Envy/Jealousy is one of them.
The remedy is in my opinion first and foremost a spiritual one and the key word for this remedy lies in another word - GRATITUDE. These women are usually not only dissatisfied with their own lives, but they are also ungrateful for what they already have/possess. So instead of practicing gratitude for what they got, they covet what others have - and instead of learning about their own selves, and what is blocking their lives and removing these blocks, they look outside of themselves. poisoning other women's lives and theirs in the process...
Now one may argue intra-male relationships also suffer from the same - possibly so. I am not a man and I don't exactly know since I have not experienced how men deal with each other. So I will leave the male reader draw his own conclusions on that subject.
And before I wrap up, there remains an important question here, bearing in mind what I've said in my 4 posts on this matter --- knowing the reality of intra-female jealousy (no am not in denial about that shadow aspect of the Feminine), what does female solidarity really mean and does it really exist ?
Or does female solidarity only exist if you are miserable "in need of saving" ?
I will stop here ...you do the rest of the thinking.
And to all the females who have poisoned my life with their toxic energy -- Am today free of you but you're not free of your selves.
Saturday, 18 February 2012
Thursday, 16 February 2012
A Dark Chapter in Women's Souls. 3
I need to keep on writing because I don't wish to be distracted away from the subject matter nor run away from the memories and feelings that accompany the memories. I want to face them in all their ugliness and expose them fully, and in doing so I like to believe am rendering a service to others...hopefully a way to become more aware...to reach a new level of awareness.
If am mentioning the word awareness here, it is ALSO because some of these poisonous arrows are sent forth unconsciously, outside the realm of conscious awareness of the thrower. It is not always the case though, some are predetermined, willful, voluntary and some are not...but IT DOES NOT MATTER, because your energy field, your being, doesn't recognize what is conscious or unconscious, it will stock them.
As a matter of fact the conscious willful deliberate "sticks in your wheels" are easier to deal with. You can stop them consciously. The other less apparent, visible ones, are more difficult to detect.
As I mentioned in part 1 and 2 there are a million of ways these take place, and the ultimate aim is "not wanting you to succeed". Some of you are too literal, and they immediately associate success with material gain. I ask of you to widen your mind and take in the word Success in its larger meaning.
Whatever is your dream, your wish, your secret passion, your objective, your goal --- is your road to Success. Intra Female jealousy makes sure you will either not achieve them or be thwarted in achieving them...
I also mentioned the million of ways this takes place and now I will illustrate the ways so that you may recognize them in yourselves and in your life...
Starting from when you were a girl, remember that girl in school who kept putting you down (they call it today bullying), remember how she made fun of how you looked, remember how she called you stupid, dumb even though you did well in class...add your own examples. Well that was no bullying that was jealousy.
You grew up into a teen, you were interested in boys, a particular boy liked you and you liked him, and you rushed to tell your girlfriend, remember how she told you he was no good, that he didn't like you at all, that he wasn't interesting or interested when your gut told you differently -- that was jealousy.
Building upon these earlier memories, am sure to find more recent ones in adulthood...and I will share a personal few here, and then I will qualify with more generalities about the women who are pathologically jealous and the possible remedy for it, if at all.
The reason am sharing a few personal ones here is because am sure some of you will recognize it in their lives or will learn how to recognize the poison. These will not be in some chronological order, memory doesn't store in chronological order so I will type as they come along...these live examples are for me a reminder, a booster dose -- to remember the "methods" of the snake.
- Once I was in a shop trying out a dress, I was younger and naive and in need of affirmation/confirmation from an "authority" I looked into the mirror and my first reaction was -- yes, you look real good in it. In, walks the saleswoman, triple my size, I still remember her face. She says -- do you need some help with that. So naively I ask her what she thought of the dress on me. Her reaction was almost violent, she shook her head -- no no no, you look so fat in it. She was triple my size and mine was a small. That was jealousy. In the same vein, I kept a few garments when I was size small, I look at the waist size, it's really small , and I remember ALL the comments I received from "girlfriends" about how fat I was. I wasn't fat at all. I These women didn't want me to succeed in the way I looked/ in my female power of attraction. And that's jealousy.
- Another vivid memory, is when I was first exiled, and moved into this apartment , I had no furniture, so I bought plastic furniture which was the cheapest I could find. The type of furniture you put in your garden or balcony, basically white plastic. But being the ingenious Iraqi that I am, I decided to beautify it. I got some cushions and some cheap but pretty throw overs, and covered this plastic furniture, added a few colorful pillows, found a second hand table for peanuts but was solid engraved wood, bought a couple of candles and some plants and flowers, hung my favorite paintings and decided to have a flat warming party. I invited a few "friends". One I remember distinctly...when she walked in she gasped. Her eyes furtively scanned the room, checking out every detail, and then in poisoned voice said - you must be rich to buy all these furniture -- and I saw her hand move under the cushions to check out what kind of furniture it was...it was plastic. She was perturbed for the rest of the evening. This woman lived in a beautifully decorated villa that she owned. These are women who don't want you to succeed in your material life. And that's jealousy.
- Another example of another "girlfriend", every time I shared with her my interest about a guy, she would sneak into it and suddenly that particular guy became an object of interest to her. She'd be quick to strike a friendship with him, and "innocently joke" about me...one (because I had many of that sort) actually went as far as sleeping with my then boyfriend. She was my best friend. When I confronted her, she said - so what I like him. These women am referring to were all married. They just coveted what I had or wanted to have. Had I not expressed interest in these guys or shared it with them they would have not done at thing. Or the married woman who goes hysterical with her own venom (and tries very hard to cover it up, when she knows you're dating someone she happens to know, she starts prying and snooping around to see where you are at, trying so hard to get out info from you) These are women who don't want you to succeed in your love life. And that's jealousy.
- Another example of another "girlfriend", who was "so sweet". When I announced to her that I was getting married, I felt the sky tumble down on her. And when I invited her to my wedding party, she was frowning all the time and then on my wedding day, later proceeded to grotesquely flirt with my then husband. That woman on the surface was full of good intentions towards me, but when push came to shove, her poison showed. She could not bear to see me happy. She didn't want me to succeed in my marriage. That was her intention. And that's was jealousy.
- Or the nice, innocent "girlfriend" who props you up, and supposedly encourages and admires you but her facial expression, her tone of voice, a slip or two of the tongue, belie all her "good intentions" every time you share with her that you actually achieved one little thing --as an example she'd go --- oh that's wonderful, you deserve it" but... or --oh that's great -- and every single facial expression of hers show that she just died a little inside. These are women who don't want you to achieve anything. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend in some sort of trouble, you have supported and helped time and time again, when she has rushed to you at odd hours of day or night, cried on your shoulder, and you cooked for her, and let her sleep over, and when she meets a guy and gets married, she invites everyone else to her wedding and not you. Or your female friends with whom you spent much time talking and "sharing and caring", suddenly exclude you from an event that they will be all attending. These women fear you will outshine them, so they isolate you. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend who meets you in a public gathering or a party, and you look particularly good and feel particularly good in your skin that day/night and she says at the top of her voice in the middle of the crowd -- nice outfit, am sure knowing you you must have bought it so cheap, is it polyester ? These are women who will put you down in public trying to break your social self. And that's jealousy.
- Or the student "friend" whom you have taught for years, and when asked who her teacher was, pretends she never knew you and worst of all copies, steals your work and accredits it to herself .These are women who will steal from you. And that's jealousy.
- Or the work colleague/ friend with whom you spent hours talking after work, listening to her woes and giving encouragement, advice and solutions and you find out she's been backbiting gossiping and slandering you behind your back...because you and she know- you are good at what your doing. These kind of women don't want you to succeed professionally. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend under the guise of constructive criticism will find fault in everything you say, do or create, will put it to you in a subtle way, innuendos, a slip of the tongue, a misplaced word, a look, a frown, a tone of voice, a facial expression...These are women who want you to remain where you are and better still want to break your creative you. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend, or that girlfriend or this girlfriend who will steal from you --- your things, your ideas, your work, your boyfriends, or the other who will flirt with them, or fuck them or cajole them or the other who demeans you, mocks you, or the other who backbites you, stabs you, or gaslights you, and and and...it's endless...and am getting tired....
Will conclude -- if at all possible to conclude this dark chapter of women's soul -- in part 4.
to be continued...
If am mentioning the word awareness here, it is ALSO because some of these poisonous arrows are sent forth unconsciously, outside the realm of conscious awareness of the thrower. It is not always the case though, some are predetermined, willful, voluntary and some are not...but IT DOES NOT MATTER, because your energy field, your being, doesn't recognize what is conscious or unconscious, it will stock them.
As a matter of fact the conscious willful deliberate "sticks in your wheels" are easier to deal with. You can stop them consciously. The other less apparent, visible ones, are more difficult to detect.
As I mentioned in part 1 and 2 there are a million of ways these take place, and the ultimate aim is "not wanting you to succeed". Some of you are too literal, and they immediately associate success with material gain. I ask of you to widen your mind and take in the word Success in its larger meaning.
Whatever is your dream, your wish, your secret passion, your objective, your goal --- is your road to Success. Intra Female jealousy makes sure you will either not achieve them or be thwarted in achieving them...
I also mentioned the million of ways this takes place and now I will illustrate the ways so that you may recognize them in yourselves and in your life...
Starting from when you were a girl, remember that girl in school who kept putting you down (they call it today bullying), remember how she made fun of how you looked, remember how she called you stupid, dumb even though you did well in class...add your own examples. Well that was no bullying that was jealousy.
You grew up into a teen, you were interested in boys, a particular boy liked you and you liked him, and you rushed to tell your girlfriend, remember how she told you he was no good, that he didn't like you at all, that he wasn't interesting or interested when your gut told you differently -- that was jealousy.
Building upon these earlier memories, am sure to find more recent ones in adulthood...and I will share a personal few here, and then I will qualify with more generalities about the women who are pathologically jealous and the possible remedy for it, if at all.
The reason am sharing a few personal ones here is because am sure some of you will recognize it in their lives or will learn how to recognize the poison. These will not be in some chronological order, memory doesn't store in chronological order so I will type as they come along...these live examples are for me a reminder, a booster dose -- to remember the "methods" of the snake.
- Once I was in a shop trying out a dress, I was younger and naive and in need of affirmation/confirmation from an "authority" I looked into the mirror and my first reaction was -- yes, you look real good in it. In, walks the saleswoman, triple my size, I still remember her face. She says -- do you need some help with that. So naively I ask her what she thought of the dress on me. Her reaction was almost violent, she shook her head -- no no no, you look so fat in it. She was triple my size and mine was a small. That was jealousy. In the same vein, I kept a few garments when I was size small, I look at the waist size, it's really small , and I remember ALL the comments I received from "girlfriends" about how fat I was. I wasn't fat at all. I These women didn't want me to succeed in the way I looked/ in my female power of attraction. And that's jealousy.
- Another vivid memory, is when I was first exiled, and moved into this apartment , I had no furniture, so I bought plastic furniture which was the cheapest I could find. The type of furniture you put in your garden or balcony, basically white plastic. But being the ingenious Iraqi that I am, I decided to beautify it. I got some cushions and some cheap but pretty throw overs, and covered this plastic furniture, added a few colorful pillows, found a second hand table for peanuts but was solid engraved wood, bought a couple of candles and some plants and flowers, hung my favorite paintings and decided to have a flat warming party. I invited a few "friends". One I remember distinctly...when she walked in she gasped. Her eyes furtively scanned the room, checking out every detail, and then in poisoned voice said - you must be rich to buy all these furniture -- and I saw her hand move under the cushions to check out what kind of furniture it was...it was plastic. She was perturbed for the rest of the evening. This woman lived in a beautifully decorated villa that she owned. These are women who don't want you to succeed in your material life. And that's jealousy.
- Another example of another "girlfriend", every time I shared with her my interest about a guy, she would sneak into it and suddenly that particular guy became an object of interest to her. She'd be quick to strike a friendship with him, and "innocently joke" about me...one (because I had many of that sort) actually went as far as sleeping with my then boyfriend. She was my best friend. When I confronted her, she said - so what I like him. These women am referring to were all married. They just coveted what I had or wanted to have. Had I not expressed interest in these guys or shared it with them they would have not done at thing. Or the married woman who goes hysterical with her own venom (and tries very hard to cover it up, when she knows you're dating someone she happens to know, she starts prying and snooping around to see where you are at, trying so hard to get out info from you) These are women who don't want you to succeed in your love life. And that's jealousy.
- Another example of another "girlfriend", who was "so sweet". When I announced to her that I was getting married, I felt the sky tumble down on her. And when I invited her to my wedding party, she was frowning all the time and then on my wedding day, later proceeded to grotesquely flirt with my then husband. That woman on the surface was full of good intentions towards me, but when push came to shove, her poison showed. She could not bear to see me happy. She didn't want me to succeed in my marriage. That was her intention. And that's was jealousy.
- Or the nice, innocent "girlfriend" who props you up, and supposedly encourages and admires you but her facial expression, her tone of voice, a slip or two of the tongue, belie all her "good intentions" every time you share with her that you actually achieved one little thing --as an example she'd go --- oh that's wonderful, you deserve it" but... or --oh that's great -- and every single facial expression of hers show that she just died a little inside. These are women who don't want you to achieve anything. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend in some sort of trouble, you have supported and helped time and time again, when she has rushed to you at odd hours of day or night, cried on your shoulder, and you cooked for her, and let her sleep over, and when she meets a guy and gets married, she invites everyone else to her wedding and not you. Or your female friends with whom you spent much time talking and "sharing and caring", suddenly exclude you from an event that they will be all attending. These women fear you will outshine them, so they isolate you. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend who meets you in a public gathering or a party, and you look particularly good and feel particularly good in your skin that day/night and she says at the top of her voice in the middle of the crowd -- nice outfit, am sure knowing you you must have bought it so cheap, is it polyester ? These are women who will put you down in public trying to break your social self. And that's jealousy.
- Or the student "friend" whom you have taught for years, and when asked who her teacher was, pretends she never knew you and worst of all copies, steals your work and accredits it to herself .These are women who will steal from you. And that's jealousy.
- Or the work colleague/ friend with whom you spent hours talking after work, listening to her woes and giving encouragement, advice and solutions and you find out she's been backbiting gossiping and slandering you behind your back...because you and she know- you are good at what your doing. These kind of women don't want you to succeed professionally. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend under the guise of constructive criticism will find fault in everything you say, do or create, will put it to you in a subtle way, innuendos, a slip of the tongue, a misplaced word, a look, a frown, a tone of voice, a facial expression...These are women who want you to remain where you are and better still want to break your creative you. And that's jealousy.
- Or the girlfriend, or that girlfriend or this girlfriend who will steal from you --- your things, your ideas, your work, your boyfriends, or the other who will flirt with them, or fuck them or cajole them or the other who demeans you, mocks you, or the other who backbites you, stabs you, or gaslights you, and and and...it's endless...and am getting tired....
Will conclude -- if at all possible to conclude this dark chapter of women's soul -- in part 4.
to be continued...
A Dark Chapter in Women's Souls. 2
Now for the fun part -- well actually it is not a fun part at all, it is venom in your system. And as I said in my previous post, my aim is first and foremost personal, to expiate, exorcise, and purge this venom out of my system.
Male readers must be overjoyed by now, because usually my posts are "rants" about male shadows today am offering them a breather from "bashing"and will address the female shadows. Jealousy is one of them and in my opinion one of the densest, ugliest one around.
As I said before, I will be talking from personal experience, I will recount all the million of ways female jealousy has hurt me in my being, in my self esteem, in my self confidence, in my personal relationships, in my love relationships...and there are millions of ways that this ugly snake penetrates in your system and in your life...literally a million of ways.
But if you have been the "victim" of that snake, with time you become an expert in recognizing it and very fast, very quickly... and am hoping by sharing my experience, you will find your own way to stop it before it poisons the whole of you.
So having differentiated or attempted to differentiate between envy and jealousy, I will just use for simplification's sake the word -- jealousy -- in this post.
Only God knows how much I have suffered from other women's jealousy - which I will call the poisonous arrows. Some arrows are milder than others, and some less intense and won't dig deep into your being as others, but they are poisonous arrows nonetheless.
I have experienced the whole poisonous arrow spectrum both in real life and in virtual life, in my professional life, in my "friendships", in my social life, and even from female strangers...my system, my being has been so fine tuned to these kind of arrow attacks that I IMMEDIATELY feel them coming, it does not matter how these arrows are presented, they can be wrapped up in the "nicest" of wrappings, sugarcoated, sweet talked...and these happen to be the deadliest...and sometimes they fall like pointed nails out of the blue when you least expect them, and sometimes they are plain nasty and mean in a gratuitous way.
If one is not aware, which I wasn't before and had to learn the hard way to recognize them, one does not know what is happening to oneself. I sure didn't. For many years, I would feel depleted when am with x, y, or z and not know why. I would leave a gathering, a meeting, a conversation and feel so down for no apparent reason. I felt my energy sapped out of me, my self esteem down in my socks, my confidence in my being demolished to zero and I would not know why... It took me many, many years, to recognize the snake and to have the courage to call it by its name. It wasn't easy, it wasn't a one day transformation and it wasn't a straightforward thing...it required much poisonous arrows for me to wake up. The flip side is now -- am so allergic to that character trait in women that I have limited my female friendships to the strict minimum. Acquaintances are a different ball game, I can brush these off easily, but in female friendships where I have invested, it becomes more difficult. In other words, I find myself now in avoidance mode and when am not in avoidance mode, I am cautious. Why ? Because women who are jealous of you, deep down don't want you to succeed. That's why. And that's putting it simply.
Why you may think to yourself, you must be paranoid Layla. No am far from being paranoid, I am actually very lucid and aware...because I know that these arrows and the people who throw them are ENERGETIC parasites and/or vampires. (women are not the only ones that qualify as energetic parasites/vampires men do too, but since the topic is intra female jealousy I will stick to females)
If you are TUNED IN, you will IMMEDIATELY feel an Energetic parasite/vampire. You will feel it in your energy level and if you are not tuned into your energy level you will feel it in your body, or in your emotional being and you will brush it off as feeling "down". Or the atmosphere around you changes, it becomes heavy, dull, you say I need fresh air, something is not right, some static parasite was in the air, you are right to feel that way...the static parasite is not only in the air but is in your energy field, in you.
But I will not get into that aspect now because most of you will not understand it. What I will do and am doing it for primarily for me is to list a sample of the million of ways how these arrows can be recognized. I will draw on my memory and on those instances that I recall so vividly past and not so past to illustrate what am talking about.
And for that I need another chapter, to break it down in small pieces, so I can finally digest and vomit it out
to be continued in part 3...
Male readers must be overjoyed by now, because usually my posts are "rants" about male shadows today am offering them a breather from "bashing"and will address the female shadows. Jealousy is one of them and in my opinion one of the densest, ugliest one around.
As I said before, I will be talking from personal experience, I will recount all the million of ways female jealousy has hurt me in my being, in my self esteem, in my self confidence, in my personal relationships, in my love relationships...and there are millions of ways that this ugly snake penetrates in your system and in your life...literally a million of ways.
But if you have been the "victim" of that snake, with time you become an expert in recognizing it and very fast, very quickly... and am hoping by sharing my experience, you will find your own way to stop it before it poisons the whole of you.
So having differentiated or attempted to differentiate between envy and jealousy, I will just use for simplification's sake the word -- jealousy -- in this post.
Only God knows how much I have suffered from other women's jealousy - which I will call the poisonous arrows. Some arrows are milder than others, and some less intense and won't dig deep into your being as others, but they are poisonous arrows nonetheless.
I have experienced the whole poisonous arrow spectrum both in real life and in virtual life, in my professional life, in my "friendships", in my social life, and even from female strangers...my system, my being has been so fine tuned to these kind of arrow attacks that I IMMEDIATELY feel them coming, it does not matter how these arrows are presented, they can be wrapped up in the "nicest" of wrappings, sugarcoated, sweet talked...and these happen to be the deadliest...and sometimes they fall like pointed nails out of the blue when you least expect them, and sometimes they are plain nasty and mean in a gratuitous way.
If one is not aware, which I wasn't before and had to learn the hard way to recognize them, one does not know what is happening to oneself. I sure didn't. For many years, I would feel depleted when am with x, y, or z and not know why. I would leave a gathering, a meeting, a conversation and feel so down for no apparent reason. I felt my energy sapped out of me, my self esteem down in my socks, my confidence in my being demolished to zero and I would not know why... It took me many, many years, to recognize the snake and to have the courage to call it by its name. It wasn't easy, it wasn't a one day transformation and it wasn't a straightforward thing...it required much poisonous arrows for me to wake up. The flip side is now -- am so allergic to that character trait in women that I have limited my female friendships to the strict minimum. Acquaintances are a different ball game, I can brush these off easily, but in female friendships where I have invested, it becomes more difficult. In other words, I find myself now in avoidance mode and when am not in avoidance mode, I am cautious. Why ? Because women who are jealous of you, deep down don't want you to succeed. That's why. And that's putting it simply.
Why you may think to yourself, you must be paranoid Layla. No am far from being paranoid, I am actually very lucid and aware...because I know that these arrows and the people who throw them are ENERGETIC parasites and/or vampires. (women are not the only ones that qualify as energetic parasites/vampires men do too, but since the topic is intra female jealousy I will stick to females)
If you are TUNED IN, you will IMMEDIATELY feel an Energetic parasite/vampire. You will feel it in your energy level and if you are not tuned into your energy level you will feel it in your body, or in your emotional being and you will brush it off as feeling "down". Or the atmosphere around you changes, it becomes heavy, dull, you say I need fresh air, something is not right, some static parasite was in the air, you are right to feel that way...the static parasite is not only in the air but is in your energy field, in you.
But I will not get into that aspect now because most of you will not understand it. What I will do and am doing it for primarily for me is to list a sample of the million of ways how these arrows can be recognized. I will draw on my memory and on those instances that I recall so vividly past and not so past to illustrate what am talking about.
And for that I need another chapter, to break it down in small pieces, so I can finally digest and vomit it out
to be continued in part 3...
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