Before you accuse me of being a self hating female, you may want to know the reason for this title.
Summer is here. And every summer I go through the same boring ritual of putting away the winter clothes in suitcases -- one day I would like to have a walk in dressing room like in the films and none of this suitcase, moth balls shit. I hate moth balls actually, I try to get some that smell of lavender, but I always end up with the moth ball smell on my clothes, hence have to wash them or dry clean them.
Anyways, as I was saying, this ritual is tedious. So today I had to do parts of it. Get the summer clothes out and put the winter clothes in. And some stuff I've had for more than a few years. And since most of the time am in jeans, I never really get to wear the stuff I really like. So spent all morning trying out dresses, skirts and what not.
Horror of horrors, some of them - a good deal of them, don't fit me anymore.
Yes, I've put on weight. Like 3-4 kilos. Sigh.
But that is not the most annoying part. The most annoying part is when I checked the size of my old -- no longer fitting garments --they were all a size 36 european, 10 english and 6 american.
Why am I telling you all of this and what has that got to do with my gender hating title ? I'll tell you.
When I was a smaller size, all the women I know and I remember that very clearly, kept saying to me --- "my, you've put on weight". Or they'd say "you look fat" Or they'd say "you need to lose some weight".
I was a size 36 for God's sake! But for them, I was never the right size.
But stupid, naive, trusting (and trustworthy me), believed them and bought into it. So I'd look at my body in the mirror and say " they're right, I need to lose weight."
What were they trying to do - turn me into an emaciated anorexic, banishing me from their optical field, one imagined threat, less ?
And this morning I understood. Women are bitches when it comes to other women.
Not all of them, but a great deal of them are and that is a fact. Forget female solidarity -- that's nice to read in books and give ourselves a good conscience.
Women are bitches because 9 out 10, in their personal dealings with other women, their jealousies, enviousness and petty retarded insecurities take over and rule their thinking, feelings and vision.
So now am one or two sizes more, I suppose that would make these women very happy. I've joined their clan made of perfect obsessions, deformed bodily images, skewed projections, insane insecurities and the rest...
But trust me, they will find some other thing to point out and let you know in their own way -- "it's not good enough."
They'll move from your body size to your nose, to your hair, to your skin, to your eyes...anything...until you're pushed out of their imaginary contest, their diabolical illusionary race. A race for numero Uno. Whatever this numero Uno is or means.
Women -- the perfect bitches to other women. And I dedicate this post and the art work that goes with it to THEM.
OK, now I need to go and try the rest of the clothes...and maybe lose a couple of kilos.
Painting: Iraqi female artist, Alia Al-Wahab. "Women Series".
