Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Dating 101 or another Rendez-Vous

I need to kill time. It is 6.30 am here and I have an appointment at 8 am sharp. If I lie down, I will never make I need to keep myself very awake.

What better way to do it but to write about my latest "rendez-vous" with Y.
This Y. is not to be confused with the other psycho Y. from previous posts.
It is a different Y. altogether. I am making progress in the Y's...Well, I like to think that I am.

This Y. is less deranged for sure. Mind you, I cannot vouch he will not turn psychotic on me at some later point...given the opportunity.

Y. no.2 has been wanting to "get together" for some time, actually months...
I did not give him the chance, until recently. Not that is ugly or anything. Quite the's just...I guess, the time was not right then.

Anyways to cut a longish story short, sends me a message. " Would love to see you, very soon..."

Of course, typical me replies -- " how soon is soon ?"

And the answer comes promptly - "today, early evening ???"

I was just testing really...and he passed test no.1.

So we met. He was pleasant, well groomed, well shaved, nice smile and looked rather eager in a benign sort of way, which is not a bad thing compared to psycho who looked as if he was about to violently stab me any moment...

An important detail I missed. Before we met, he messaged me and asked " where ?"
I suggested a café not too far. He said "no way" it was not his "kind of café."I messaged back saying - "it is only a café and it is an okay café." He insisted " no way." Fuck it I thought to myself. So I messaged back with "tant bloody pis."

He demonstrated some intelligence and messaged back with - "I really want to see you, but please not this café."

I still could not understand what was wrong with that particular café as it was a café like all other cafés, nay a bit better than other cafés. Anyways, I thought to myself, play it easy girl - let him come up with suggestions. So I text messaged again, and said "you suggest another place, but am taking no cab."

I figured since he eagerly wanted to see me, he could move his butt to where I am at.

I suppose you can call that test no.2. He text messaged back and we agreed on another place that is convenient for me, next to that café he disliked so much for some odd reason I still can't figure out.

I hate text messages unless absolutely necessary or if the person I need to contact is far away. But frankly he could have called instead of that back and forth...

I mean here I was carrying three bags full of shopping, looking like a friggin polar bear with layers of clothes, perspiring and hot, my woollen hat sliding over my eyes and I could see shit and still had to figure out the friggin alphabet on the cell phone so I can message Monsieur. He could have called. After all he wanted to see me, no ? Anyways I could already tell that he would not pass test no.3.

We finally made it to his "acceptable" café. He was late, 15 mn or so...that gave me time to quickly nip to the ladies and comb the flattened hair on my head (from the damn wollen hat) and wipe away any smudges of make up that may have trickled down in sweat, while I was frantically busy figuring out the letters to text message Monsieur.

I ordered my coffee and Monsieur finally landed...

The first 10 mn were quite tense, because Layla had to let him know that the café she suggested was not so bad after all and Layla wanted to know why he was being so complicated...bearing in mind that Layla was carrying heavy weight shopping bags and was suffocating under layers of clothes...Of course, Layla wanted to add -- could you not bloody call me for 2 seconds and agree on a meeting place instead of those silly text messages ? - but Layla bit her tongue as a good polite girl. (who would have thought huh !?)

You must admit, hardly an enticing welcome. But he did take it with a smile...I thought to myself okay he might pass test no.3 but I still had serious doubts...

Monsieur, seeing that I already had a coffee in front of me, ordered an expresso.

The rendez-vous lasted two hours. And Layla was staring at her empty cup of coffee, thirsty and waiting to see if he would come up with - would you like another drink ?
I mean one expresso over two hours !!! But no, he did not.

I felt like saying - listen I will pay for the coffee, just suggest it - but no such miracle happened.

My throat was dry, I was thirsty, I was starting to get a splitting headache, I was hungry and cold...and all I wanted was to run back home...seeing that I could no longer stoically bear another DRY hour of listening to Monsieur's verbal shit.

Towards the end of HIS conversation, he said " Layla, why not plunge ?"
I replied " plunge where ?"

This guy expects me to plunge with him in his dry pool ? He could not even offer another cup of coffee after 2 hours of me listening to his nonsense and he wants me to "plunge" with him? Hahahahahaha, what a wanker !

Of course, I could have said, "I am thirsty, I want something to drink", and pay for my own. I have no problem doing that, paying for my own -- but I deliberately did not. I was assessing...

He failed test no.3 big time, and with a big F.

But to be fair, he did offer to drive me back home...hoping to make it to test no.4.

I don't think that will ever happen.

This guy has still a long way to go. I'm afraid he will need to repeat class 101, several times before passing, let alone "plunging"

Au suivant ! Next !

And a (sarcastic) song to go with the Flops.

Quick translation : Wow to the magic in his eyes when we first met, face to face. Wow to the cuteness of his words....and with one word and one smile, my heart went on fire...He made me lose my head and made me forget my name and where I was...hahahahahaha.

Painting : Iraqi artist, Wasma Al-Agha.