ESTRANGEMENT IN LONELY WORLD...
I often go into their world...I change clothes, put on different shoes, choose a new hat, pull out a mask from my drawer...change my accent, appear interested, open my ears, listen well, nod, exclaim, pat them on the back, or touch their hand...I try to understand...I put myself in their shoes...I try to see the world from their perspective...I hear their stories...mundane stories...the normal stuff life is made of...kids went to school, parent fell ill, need to lose extra pounds, the latest acquisition, the gossip from last night's party, the sneaky mother in law, the tight budgets, the new idea for a project, the latest book they've read, who gave birth, who divorced, who got married, who fell in love, who had an argument with their spouse, who passed away....
Normal stuff from a normal life...
No one comes into my world though...they don't knock on my door, and they don't see who inhabits my house...their births are special and their deaths are special...but mine go unnoticed...no one attends my funerals, no one congratulates me on my weddings, no one nods or exclaims...they don't change their shoes, nor their clothes and they have no mask to pull out of some drawer...
The world belongs to them...those who don't listen, the world belongs to them...those who don't care to know, the world belongs to them...those who are obsessed with their own petty lives, the world belongs to them...those who don't open their eyes, the world belongs to them...those who talk non stop, the world belongs to them...those who can't leave their own skin, the world belongs to them...
Imbued with self and self-importance...
A world of babble, of chatter, of endless noise...each believes his story is unique...each believes his burden is unique, each believes his place is unique...oh you are all such a very special people with such unique characteristics...you shit, you piss, you fart, you fuck, you eat, like no one else does...you are all so very special...so very distinct, so very original...so very...
But frankly, I don't give a fuck...I don't care who sees what, how and when...I don't care if they notice my mask, my hat, my shoes, or the clothes specially worn for the occasion...I don't care about their punctuations about me, nor do I care about how they perceive me...I don't care if they see me as pretty, ugly, old, young, thin, fat, stylish, not stylish....I don't give a fuck one bit...
There is one thing I have they don't...I can be whomsoever I want to be...with my different shoes, different hats, different clothes and different masks...while they are just stuck with themselves...
BELONGING...
It is so clear to me I don't belong here...
I remember once watching some crap American film, a long Hollywood version of Bewitched with Nicole Kidman who looked like Mephisto with her latest botox injections....
Botox aside...she whined to her father played by Michael Cain -- I don't know where home is, she said.
And Michael Cain replied - home is where you felt the happiest...
One Percent - 1%
I remember a discussion I had some time ago with a friend. She said to me that I am hoping for the 1 % to show up. I gave her a flat - Yes.
So she continued -- it does not exist.
I said - - does 100 exist ?
- yes of course.
- does 99 exist ?
- sure it does
- so what does it take to complete 99% ?
- obviously 1 % -- she replied rather irritated
- so the 1% does exist and it will show up to complete the 99.
