Reclaiming...

From an early age I was exposed to different cultures...my home base was and will remain Iraq...not the Iraq of today, but the Iraq that fed my roots...and am proud of them...am proud of what my grandparents, my parents, taught me...I am proud of their dignity. I live in their shadow...in what they imparted, and they did part with this life, but their legacy lives on...

But I have to tell you, no one made me feel inferior like the Lebanese...If you don't know Lebanon, you will not understand. The Lebanese have a chronic inferiority complex they try to make up for...either turning West or turning East...Iran to be precise.

I must say the Lebanese did me in. They kept reminding me that first I was a Muslim, (during a brief interlude in a catholic school) and second, a non Lebanese.


Tu es Libaaanaize ? was the standard question. No am not Lebanese - Am Iraqi. And frowns of disapproval would fall on me with an ah, yiii. I was the Arab slave that the Lebanese psyche still tries so hard to get rid of...only to replace it with a Persian one or a European one, or a "Phoenician" one.

The Lebanese as a whole will never succeed, because they are incapable of forming their own identity.
It's either Westwards or Iranwards....anything but Arab.

The Lebanese like to believe they are above Arabs...I am not sure where they got this farting higher than your ass syndrome...but they have it and it stinks...but because they are so irrelevant, I and others overlook them, and leave them in their illusions...

Why am I writing about this ? Am not sure...maybe because I need to reclaim a part of me that was put down, and hijacked...maybe am trying to recapture all of what I was, all of what I am supposed to be.

Payback...

In Life, one is always presented the opportunity for a payback...the moment may not be what you exactly hoped for...but in your limited mind, you can't evaluate...you can't assess...

Let go of the perfect opportunity, it does not exist....grab what you are given.

And make them pay...

Capturing Moments of Beauty...

It's a hot night...I have no electricity and am working on batteries and candle light...and it's perfectly fine...I am guessing the keyboard...where the letters fall --- like a blind woman feeling her way through and it's perfectly fine...

Tonight I have no complaints...none whatsoever. I am happy with things as they are. I have obliterated all the ugliness from my mind, traded it for some moments of sheer joy and beauty...

I have re-captured what was missing in my life, what the other tried so hard to kill...it has resurrected like a sphinx from burnt ashes...I was so stupid to believe it had died.

The moment has come in this obscurity that surrounds me, like a beautiful black velvet cover, the moment is here, the other has not killed it...

For sure he/she tried...so hard. Strangulate, stab, crucify it...but they have failed...I have won.

I am the winner...I vanquished the opponent's death wish...and in doing so I murdered him - flat on the ground.

I am ecstatic, drunk with moments of beauty...my eyes see again in that total obscurity. I was blind now I can see. Was that not the promise ?

The other hoped to defeat me with his/her ugliness...he/she lost.

















it

What Keeps Me Going ?

So what is it ? I have often wondered myself...

I don't fit the model, the mold...I don't subscribe nor do I abide by your theories...

So what keeps me going ? Away and further away from your fucking quotes and notes ?


Love does...

Farting Higher Than Your Ass...

Farting higher than your ass is a common French expression which basically means and boils down to "make believe".

It means that someone wants you, and desperately so, to believe something about them when their truth as a person has absolutely nothing to do with what they project.

Do you know people like that ?

I have met tons of them...online and offline. These are the people who fart higher than their asses.

Beware, and don't be the gullible fool that you probably already are. Read in between the lines, watch out for omissions, watch out for details, scratch hard beyond the veneer....people use masks almost always...unmask and be happy exposing the Farts, for what they are.

A Race of Rats...in a Rat Race.

The Cypress Tree Doesn't Bear Fruits.

I have been throughout the whole day on a musical discovery trip...and am blown away by the talent and creativity I discovered today. Amazing work of fusion, poetry, vocals...will post more Insha'Allah. This stuff merits to be diffused worldwide.

Thank you Pakistan for these moments of pure Joy.

Preachers...

I have a particular dislike for preachers. Now there are all kinds of preachers, some have it as a profession, a paid vocation, others are self proclaimed. The latter is the worst type.
I have met many of them both in real life and online, both proved to be the worst hypocrites one can come across.

Contenting themselves to project this aura of holiness, holiness as in "clean speech" and "clean demeanor" and "clean attire", they give you sermons so eloquent and pleasing to the ears...
At first, if you are a novice, you are in awe - for they take on this godlike authoritative position, placing themselves on a pedestal of knowledge and piety...many have fallen in their traps. Because a trap it is. A devilish trap.

I've been around and I had to learn the hard way, through hands on experience. Alas, experiences that have ripped all illusions I may have had about people.

Try rubbing under the surface, try digging in a little more, and you will find nothing but deception, self seeking, lies, manipulation, profiteering of all kinds, opportunism, double standards - in short - pure hypocrisy.

I have seen that ugliness too often, and I can no longer brush it off as some coincidental mishap. And I have often wondered why is it that God has repeatedly put such scum on my path. What was the purpose of this repeated exposure to hypocrisy in its most hideous forms ?

Then finally the lesson dawned on me - to recognize it for what it is.

At first the revelation is like a shock to the system, because the gap between the words and the deeds is enormous, because the illusions that these people have managed to entertain in the heads of their listeners are powerful... It is like when one is faced with a pathological liar - at the beginning you doubt yourself, you think you are reading too much into it, or are imagining things, and the deceiver keeps repeating that to you - that you are imagining things or comes up with some other explanation of a "divine nature". But you know in your heart of hearts that this is no imagination and that the insidious, vicious, harm has already happened by none other than the preacher - the self proclaimed preacher males and females (and am reserving a special post on the males soon)

One would argue - so what, these people are no different from others, people are like that. After all they are human. Yes and no.

No - because the ordinary Joe, does not lift you up to bring you down. But most importantly the ordinary Joe does not ram into your head all these ideals, principles and virtues you ought to live by. Nor does the ordinary Joe mention the Divine word in every sentence, nor does the ordinary Joe pretend to be something he/she is NOT. In all likelihood, the ordinary Joe is much closer to God than all these preachers combined.

So why am writing all of this ? Because I feel I need to, because appearances (both virtual and symbolic) have been ripped apart, because I need to exorcise the experiences, because you can meet the Devil smack in the middle of God's house and in His places of worship, because Falsehood in the end, is always exposed.