Drained...

I am not sure I want to keep the uncensored blog open to the public anymore. I really need a private space for me alone and I feel some are prying a wee bit too much into it...this is is the distinct impression am getting. I'll give it a couple more days and will take a final decision. I've deleted all the followers of this blog. Sorry folks - I'm in a hermit, seclusive, hibernating mode.

My instinct tells me it should be closed down to the public and I think this is exactly what I am going to do.

Apart from that, I am feeling quite drained. Jumping from one tragedy to another - plight of Iraqi children, then Iraqi deformed babies, now the execution of 126 women and in between documenting stories about the theft of Iraq's antiquities, plus translating articles into English, plus reading articles in Arabic regarding Iraq and having to sift through them and sift through the information, plus following Iraqi sat TVs for fresh news, plus following news on Twitter and re-tweeting, not to mention responding to pending emails and direct messages, plus writing posts...
Am a Reuters all by myself and am fucking exhausted !!!

Then I ask myself, who gives a damn anyways. I can publish 1000 stories and people may or may not read...some will get excited, will get a buzz and it will all fizzle out in the end...until the next post...

In the process, I've been terribly neglecting my family, my social life and my love life. Z's patience has run out and he is furious. I don't really blame him. I would be too, if I were him. My family is getting quite impatient with me too, since am hardly ever available. As for my friends (none virtual ones), well they gave up on me. Whenever anyone of them calls, I start the conversation with - I know, I know, you are absolutely right, am a horrible, aloof, anti-social woman. That sorts of shuts them up from the word go.

But really, am drained...totally drained.

Psychopaths, Stalkers & Trolls...

The internet is not that different from "real" life.

I've had my share of online psychotic, paranoid schizophrenic, psychopathic, sexual harassers, threatening rapists,killers and stalkers...some have even threatened to produce porn video of me when they haven't even seen or heard me...Some I know for a fact, work for the enemy. Some are Arabs and some are not. Some are men and a few are women...I've been putting up with this shit for over 3 years now.

What will they not do to discredit me.

But Iraq, She keeps me going...I must be doing something right.

Next time I receive one more threat, all the names and related info will go online...for all to see. And it will not stop there either...

Corrupt...

Corruption for me is like the state of Rot. Being corrupt is being rotten. Rot starts slowly, and then erodes the whole self...I've come face to face with Corruption and Corrupt people...there are plenty of them around. Maybe they don't even realize how corrupt they are. How spiritually bankrupt they've become. Or maybe they do...I will never find out. I just see their Corruption staring me in the face.
From the grocery store to the director general...
The rot starts with a lie, with the intention of deceptiveness...and it grows, and takes on a life by itself...
It starts small, a white lie, a "clever" move to outsmart and acquire a small gain, probably something most pathetic...and it grows and grows...and overtakes the whole person...

The facade, the outer veneer is kept well polished...with the culture of Piety...religion has not touched beyond the first layer of the skin. It has remained on the epidermis...and will remain that way, until each and everyone starts getting honest with themselves.

But being so far down the tunnel of Corruption...I don't see how this can ever happen.