The other day I was doing some thinking about some of the men I have met in my lifetime, and I sort of drew a balance sheet if you like and I had to ask myself the following question.
Can someone please explain to me where did all the Good Men go ?
Honestly, the men I meet for the most part like 95 % of them are junk, garbage...Their behavior is junk, their attitude is junk, their speech is junk, their mentality is junk... I am starting to believe that I am living in one huge garbage can - called The Garbage Man.
What on earth is happening to men ? And what on earth is happening to women ?
You meet a guy, and a few weeks down the line, you discover he is another piece of garbage. Then you take a break and you meet another one, and bingo, it is worse than the previous one. And you take another break and meet the third one and you're flabbergasted by more hideous junk...
Mental, emotional, sexual junk...Complexes, poisonous minds, insecurities, manipulations, blackmail, deceitfulness, abusive behavior, lack of honesty, mind games, power plays, vindictiveness for issues that don't even concern you, meanness ...the whole bloody works.
People ask me why I have not remarried. Why should I remarry when all I see, notice and hear around me is Junk ?
Spoilt men acting like brats, irresponsible men, no chivalry, no gentleness, no etiquette, no savoir faire, no savoir vivre, no dignified speech....no...no...no.
Just a shallow, empty, hollow ego that barks nothingness. Empty words and empty sentences. Empty men. Dull, useless and boring.
If you know the amount of garbage I have heard from men. Mountains of garbage. Their boastfulness, their sexual conquests, their conceitedness, their lack of sensitivity, their callousness, their delusions and imaginary exploits, their rationalizations and denial... And it always boils down to -- me, myself and I i.e him/them.
The belly button, the navel, the penis that has become the center of the universe - His. A universe forever shrinking into me, myself and I.
Narcissistic to the point of vomit, hypocritical beyond measure, incapable of any true intimacy, out of touch with the true self, full of clichés and jargon that are regurgitated ad infinitum, vain, covetous, lustful, greedy, always taking and totally incapable of giving, not even the basic minimum.
Empty words and empty feelings, sensationalism and high emotionalism that produce and generate nothing. A vicious circle. A cycle of nullity.
What happened to the Good Men ? Where are they ? What happened to honest, faithful, loyal, decent, engaging companions ? What happened to ethical men, principled men, respectful men, sensitive, caring men ? What happened to them ? Where did they vanish to. Where did they disappear ?
I know they have existed. I had seen a few before. So I know they are out there, or used to be out there...
What is this desolate, barren, arid, crude place called "relationship with men".
It has become so fucking ugly. Sometimes I think it is beyond repair. A hopeless case, an exercise in total futility.
Frankly I kept dumping them, one after the other and always with a good, legitimate, valid reason. Junk must be dumped. No two ways about it.
If I tell you some of the reasons here online, you will cringe with disgust. I am too ashamed to mention any of the reasons. Not because I am the one who feels shame, oh no, but because that would be shaming them even more. And I suppose I am leaving some sort of an invisible, unconscious space for them to redeem themselves. Wishful thinking on my part...
To hell with them. I still want to know what happened to the good ones and why have they gone extinct ?