Fear of Flying, Men in Love & all that Jazz...

I can't sleep. Another horrible bout of insomnia. Besides I have fear of flying. That reminds me of a mug a male friend once offered me as a present, it said -- You send my spirits soaring, but am afraid of heights.. Well that's kind of me - when it comes to airplanes.

What has that got to do with men in love ? Nothing and everything...

We were gathered in A's living room. I am not sure how the subject came about, but War, Peace and Love were discussed.


K. my best friend, whom I have known for donkey years as a "revolutionary Marxist", flabbergasted me tonight. He has become so mellow with the years. He spoke of Gandhi and Martin Luther King. Of course K. loves to smoke his hashish daily, coupled with his favorite drink. Hell, if I had as many joints and glasses as he did, I would become Gandhi myself, let alone preach him. I will metamorphose into a female Gandhi, like Muqtada al Sadr, the expert driller and rapist.

This asshole believes he is the Iraqi version of Gandhi, so does his idolater, Cockyburn. Fuck, people are so stupid. Maybe Cockyburn also smokes bango. Stupidity and bad faith are a lethal combination. Ask me, have seen it all.

So K. was going on about war and peace, I was yawning. I love K. to bits. He is my best friend, but frankly when he goes off on his love and peace trip, he bores me to tears. For many reasons.

Firstly K. has not known exile nor war -- the Iraqi style.

Secondly K. can afford pontificating through his joint.

Thirdly K. even though very knowledgeable, seems unable to grasp the extent of the disaster and tragedy that has befallen Iraq.

So from War and Peace we moved to Love.

A. tries to come across as more posé, as they say in French. I suppose that would be level headed in English. What does level headed mean ? Does it mean that your head is at a certain level, above a certain level or below a certain level ? And which level is it ? So many mysteries still to uncover...

A. said without blinking, that men fall in love as easily as women, if not more but they try to hide it, and they do so successfully. He added that men fall in love so easily and sometimes they are not even aware of it. The realization comes later on...sometimes too late.

Quel bordel !

OK. I can figure out K's metamorphosis from Karl Marx, Che and armed struggle to Gandhi's style pacifism but what was A.'s message ? And was it directed at me ? He did look me in the eye when he said so...

K. sort of nodded. But K. is a hardcore celibate that no one and nothing will sway him away from his hardened single status. But what about A.?

I don't know...men are too complicated for me. They get their emotional/sentimental knickers in a twist for nothing. It must be fear of attachment or fear of losing their "freedom" or maybe fear of flying...

And freedom ? What freedom ? Men take away freedoms they don't lose it. Ask me, have seen it all.

In any case these lovely men, and A. and K. are lovely men, may send my spirits soaring, but I have a plane to catch and...am terribly afraid of heights.