I met S.for a couple of hours. From the minute we were seated to the minute I say Goodbye, S. did not stop berating herself.
Her thighs are too this, her butt is too that, her breasts are not quite it, her nose is not in vogue, her arms are that way, her calves are the other way...and she went on and on about what was not right with and about her.
At some point I asked her -- is there anything about you that you like ?
She paused for too long and finally replied -- Yes, I suppose my eyes are OK.
So I suggested to her, that since she had "OK eyes", that she changes the lenses through which she was looking at herself.
I have a problem, a big one actually with women who keep putting themselves down. Be it physically or otherwise. That bugs me, a lot.
Too many years of watching American crap like Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives and reading absolute junk female magazines have had their toll on women's self confidence.
All the above have one common message, a subliminal one if you wish -- to keep you in a state of chronic, constant insecurity, so you can watch, read and consume more of their Western garbage.
You know something, I never, ever, read women's magazines. I don't even flip through them. I know the traps.
They will give you advice about this or the other that is totally divorced from reality and will insinuate down the line, that you really need "them" to get your act together. In other words, they are meant to keep you in a constant state of low self-esteem by bombarding with brushed, glossy images that you can never measure up to, products you can never have enough of, tips you can never follow...Stupid advice that will you give some seeming feeling of complicity and achievement - when in fact all of that is just destined to make you feel more insecure and consequently more desperate...
I always tell my female friends : The first step to feeling good about yourself, is to stop buying, reading, perusing these nonsense women's magazines. And some women are totally addicted to them -- a real sad case.
I neve buy or keep any of that junk around. I know it is destined to make me feel like a loser who will never be able to match up. It is supposed to do that to you, otherwise how would they ensure the sales of their next edition ?
Men also fall for that kind of crap. It is all Western crap, that unfortunately, the Arab world is catching up with.
In a man's head there are all these visual images of how a woman should look. The nose must be like this, the waist like that, the breasts that size, the hips the other...etc...And unconsciously they measure up each single woman they meet to these rather impossible standards nested in their heads...At some point you ask yourself --Am I really here ? Do I really exist anywhere ?
We have reached a stage where the lines between fantasy and reality have become very blurred, dangerously so... This has resulted in much conflict and unhappiness for all parties concerned, in particular women. They have pit you one against the other, because of your looks and you fell into that trap, stupidly so.
I can understand the difficulties...I can understand that vile, vicious circle we are all caught up in, but I also know that there is a way out.
The way out for me, is simple yet hard. It basically consists of reintroducing the I in the equation. The minute you do that, and start with I, even if you don't feel it at first, you are allowing a space for your I to grow.
It starts with I want, I desire, I need. I, I and I...
Do not worry about being too selfish. I can already tell you that most of you have not been selfish enough. In fact you have been so selfless, that you have no sense of self left. And once there is a void like that selfless you, any man can fill it up with just about anything -- including his endless tedious fantasies that you have enabled, by being so not there, here...
And the easiest entry point is your body image. The way you look. That one is a piece of cake for a guy. This is where they have kept you the most insecure and this is where he will pull all your strings, overtly and covertly.
Either by alluding, comparing, contrasting, insinuating, reminiscing, and the like... Don't let him get away with it. The whole system is geared in such a way to keep you so dependent on his desire for you.
And you will ask yourself a thousand questions. Am I pretty ? Am I too fat ? Am I too thin ? Am I too tall ? Am I too short ? Are my breasts the right size ? What about my face ? And my nose ? And my eyes ? And my lips ? And my skin ? And my legs ? And my thighs ? And my buttocks ? And my belly? And my hips? And my hair ? And, and, and...and there is NO area of your body that you will not question for HIS desire.
But...
Have you ever stopped and asked yourself, the most important question of all ? Do I desire, want, need...Him ?
I suppose 9 times out 10 you have not. Again you have given away your power...again and again...for what ? For what ? In exchange of what ?
I will not answer that one for you. You can answer it yourself. I am 100% sure that the reply will come within seconds...
Take that reply, look at it, see where it is coming from, see who put it place there, and how you have maintained it and functioned according to it...
Once you do that -- chuck it away, throw it away, burn it, dispose of it, bury it, drown it...I don't care what you do with it, as long as you separate yourself from it.
Then you do the simplest thing on earth, the thing that men have been so good at doing for centuries --- reintroduce the I in your self.
By then, I am assuming that you have mentally grown a few inches and that you will do it with wisdom, intelligence and the utmost of pleasure.
Painting : Iraqi artist, Jaber Al-Saria
