A. is peacefully sleeping. A. said I can use the computer provided that I do not fuck up the "programs". I wanted to retort, I have already fucked "programs" before, but I bit my tongue. Writing to me is more important than winning an argument. Not that A. was going to make an issue out of my reply, but still, I need to write...
I do miss my blog. My blog is a bit like my baby, my child...It is not so much a matter of a misplaced maternal instinct, but more of a message carried with every new born...
This automatically takes me to the subject of parents and children.
I was discussing the subject earlier on with a friend and I told him matter of factly -- it only takes 5 minutes maximum to be a parent but it takes a life time to BECOME one.
In other words, anyone can be a mother or a father. You fuck, you impregnate, you conceive, you deliver...as simple as that. But how many are true parents ? My guess is -- very few.
That is why when I see expectant mothers and fathers holding their heads in pride, I smile secretly to myself. They are holding their heads in pride after the event, not before...
I shall explain myself.
I have heard many say to me -- you know, I was told I was a mistake, or It was not the right time, or I was not planned, or I was a surprise that they finally accepted, or I was told --I came too early, or too late, or I was not wanted, or I came in difficult circumstances and my parents wished I was postponed... or they wished I was a boy instead of a girl, and the variations are many...
But they did away with "it"...
Imagine coming to life carrying any of the above messages inside of yourself.
Imagine living life having been told you were not wanted, desired, expected, planned for...etc
What are they telling you exactly ? They are telling you, OK you are here now, we had to deal with it. Not exactly what we were expecting, not exactly what we wanted, not exactly what we planned for or desired...but you are here. BUT you are here -- now, so they add.
You grow up and squeeze yourself in, trying to find the place -- here.
Sometimes you may feel like an outcast, sometimes like a reject, sometimes like a surplus, sometimes on the margins, sometimes being here is a mistake to start with...
So you grow up, carrying the message and sometimes the message becomes like a burden, a cross...but you carry it nonetheless.
You reach maturity, whatever this may mean. Two thirds of the people I come across have not reached 12 yet, some have remained infants...but that is a subject for another post.
You reach maturity and you may form a family. And you repeat that same shit all over again...and you complain the same complaints. And you sound like your own parents...and you wonder what the hell went wrong.
They say you have baggage. You say -- that's life and you continue prodding along...
Your kids carry your baggage and by that time they have their own...A mule carrying two loads. And then comes a day, when you disappear, leaving an orphan behind you.
An orphan with a double message, yours and his/hers.
So he/she is probably strolling some street or in some cold orphanage or with some foreign family, remembering you...If he/she is lucky, he/she will be spared physical and sexual abuse, molestation and the rest. Anf if he/she is lucky, will find enough to eat and enough warmth and maybe some schooling and toys and friends to play with...And he/she will in the silent moments, try to remember your face, presence or love and along with those, your initial message will pop up -- your first message...
So you go away leaving him/her with the double load not even fit for a mule...What are you telling him/her exactly ?
You are telling him/her by your disappearance which may not be your fault after all
-- you may need to ask the Occupiers here , that not only he/she was not planned, wanted, desired, etc...but that also you will not be there for them. Not because you have decided to abandon them and yes that does happen, but because an even "greater force" decided to fulfill that prophecy for you...
The orphan sees a double abandonment here. Your message -- as a parent and theirs the Occupiers - whom the child perceives as a "higher force"
Stop for a minute and imagine what kind of adult this orphan will become...if he/she ever makes it.
Just try. And once you do that, next time you think of becoming a parent, think twice and think deeply before engaging in your five minutes hop.
I, from my side, will reassure A. that I did not screw up any "programs" and I surely hope I did not screw up yours either...
Good night.
Painting : Iraqi female artist, Najlah Al-Ramhee.
I do miss my blog. My blog is a bit like my baby, my child...It is not so much a matter of a misplaced maternal instinct, but more of a message carried with every new born...
This automatically takes me to the subject of parents and children.
I was discussing the subject earlier on with a friend and I told him matter of factly -- it only takes 5 minutes maximum to be a parent but it takes a life time to BECOME one.
In other words, anyone can be a mother or a father. You fuck, you impregnate, you conceive, you deliver...as simple as that. But how many are true parents ? My guess is -- very few.
That is why when I see expectant mothers and fathers holding their heads in pride, I smile secretly to myself. They are holding their heads in pride after the event, not before...
I shall explain myself.
I have heard many say to me -- you know, I was told I was a mistake, or It was not the right time, or I was not planned, or I was a surprise that they finally accepted, or I was told --I came too early, or too late, or I was not wanted, or I came in difficult circumstances and my parents wished I was postponed... or they wished I was a boy instead of a girl, and the variations are many...
But they did away with "it"...
Imagine coming to life carrying any of the above messages inside of yourself.
Imagine living life having been told you were not wanted, desired, expected, planned for...etc
What are they telling you exactly ? They are telling you, OK you are here now, we had to deal with it. Not exactly what we were expecting, not exactly what we wanted, not exactly what we planned for or desired...but you are here. BUT you are here -- now, so they add.
You grow up and squeeze yourself in, trying to find the place -- here.
Sometimes you may feel like an outcast, sometimes like a reject, sometimes like a surplus, sometimes on the margins, sometimes being here is a mistake to start with...
So you grow up, carrying the message and sometimes the message becomes like a burden, a cross...but you carry it nonetheless.
You reach maturity, whatever this may mean. Two thirds of the people I come across have not reached 12 yet, some have remained infants...but that is a subject for another post.
You reach maturity and you may form a family. And you repeat that same shit all over again...and you complain the same complaints. And you sound like your own parents...and you wonder what the hell went wrong.
They say you have baggage. You say -- that's life and you continue prodding along...
Your kids carry your baggage and by that time they have their own...A mule carrying two loads. And then comes a day, when you disappear, leaving an orphan behind you.
An orphan with a double message, yours and his/hers.
So he/she is probably strolling some street or in some cold orphanage or with some foreign family, remembering you...If he/she is lucky, he/she will be spared physical and sexual abuse, molestation and the rest. Anf if he/she is lucky, will find enough to eat and enough warmth and maybe some schooling and toys and friends to play with...And he/she will in the silent moments, try to remember your face, presence or love and along with those, your initial message will pop up -- your first message...
So you go away leaving him/her with the double load not even fit for a mule...What are you telling him/her exactly ?
You are telling him/her by your disappearance which may not be your fault after all
-- you may need to ask the Occupiers here , that not only he/she was not planned, wanted, desired, etc...but that also you will not be there for them. Not because you have decided to abandon them and yes that does happen, but because an even "greater force" decided to fulfill that prophecy for you...
The orphan sees a double abandonment here. Your message -- as a parent and theirs the Occupiers - whom the child perceives as a "higher force"
Stop for a minute and imagine what kind of adult this orphan will become...if he/she ever makes it.
Just try. And once you do that, next time you think of becoming a parent, think twice and think deeply before engaging in your five minutes hop.
I, from my side, will reassure A. that I did not screw up any "programs" and I surely hope I did not screw up yours either...
Good night.
Painting : Iraqi female artist, Najlah Al-Ramhee.
