Had a very interesting discussion today on Twitter about marriage, love, relationships...
We "talked" about how culture from both sides of the divide puts pressure on women to either marry and/or to feel ashamed about wanting to be married...
We talked about marriage equals kids, to have them or not to have them, and what if we don't for X reason...
We talked about myths of - ideal love, soul mates, prince charming (or perfect measurement woman for men) that will rescue - not...in short about expectations and how these can be detrimental (at least from my own point of view) to relationships.
We talked about sex outside of marriage, about cohabiting without legalizing it, about male philandering, about polygamy...
And last but not least, we talked more like debated about re-introducing the concept of "good enough" in relationships...
Not bad don't you think ?
Relationships are not easy, marriage has become difficult for many reasons, romantic love is still elusive for most, there is much conditioning, inherited beliefs about what should be and what should not...
We are bombarded from all sides, whatever our culture, as to what the ideal is...an ideal that a lot of us can't reach...
Maybe the ideal is just that -- an ideal -- and it is de facto unreachable, by definition...for most.
So what's the second best ? I did say second BEST and not SECOND best.
In other words, it's still as good.
Maybe not exactly the way we envisaged it, maybe not the exact image we held and nursed in our fantasies, maybe not the exact...but still GOOD enough.
That opens up a whole new door, in my opinion....where the possible can materialize and maybe turn into an ideal...with time...
And for that to happen, compromise is necessary. Am sure grandmothers told you all about compromise...
Compromising has a bad reputation these days, in the age of self centered individualism...where everyone says "I", "Me"...with much illusions about who this "I" and "Me" really is...
As if this "I" and this "Me" is some finite object that can be grasped once and for all...as if adapting, adopting, yielding, growing, changing is not possible at all.
As if this "I" and this "Me" is set in some mould, once and for all, for eternity...
As if this "I" and this "Me" is not some product of some previous mould...inherited, conditioned, and spat out into who you are today...
The mysterious, the spontaneous, the miraculous, cannot work its way through, gently work its way through these moulds...of the "I" and the "Me".
It then comes as no surprise that societies with the highest levels of "I" and "Me" are societies in which gurus and "personal development" spring most....
Fact is -- it's all about relationships. Parental, family, intimate, professional, social...
See what I mean when I say Hell is others ?!
Cynicism aside, what is that thing that smooths it out ? Compromise, of course.
Once you are clear about WHAT you are willing to compromise about, then the WHEN to compromise becomes easy.
For that, one needs to know the WHAT. This for me means knowing first and foremost what are the most important things for you that you will NOT compromise on. Like IMPOSSIBLY compromise on...
Once that is clear in your mind, absolutely clear...then a door of many possibilities is open right ahead in front of you.
