Friday, 30 April 2010

Surely There Is More....

I remember a strange synchronicity incident, some years back...I was invited to a conference in Cairo and had some spare time to kill and what is better than browsing through Cairo's wonderful bookshops...So I ventured into many, checking out books...and found nothing that appealed to me that particular day...I usually buy books on instinct, meaning if am drawn to a shelf, a title, whatever ---I buy it...because I know there is a message for me in it. This is how I operate. God's signs are everywhere...

Feeling rather disappointed for not having been drawn to anything that particular afternoon, I walked the polluted city, of smog, crowds and traffic...when I spotted an elderly man, with some books spread on the pavement, used books...all in Arabic...so I stopped and checked out more titles...and stacked between these books was one book that caught my attention....it was old, used and bore the name of some previous owner...I picked it up...

The book was by Alan Watts and the title was -- THIS IS IT.

I could not believe my eyes...I was quite familiar with Alan Watts writings but seeing this particular book, which was out of print and nearly impossible to find, just blew my mind away....so of course I bought it...

I went to Khan Al-Khalili, a popular neighborhood which has since become so touristic, it is nauseating....and seating myself in one of the oldest cafes there, I started reading....I then understood that this was IT. There was nothing more, nothing less....and IT was exactly as IT was supposed to be. ALL was IT.

A sense of calm and serenity fell over me and that feeling stayed with me for many days....I felt then I had cracked open one mystery....

But human beings are complacent and easily swayed with one level of Truth...this is the danger zone actually...being stuck in one level of insight...

Anyways...years passed and I don't know what happened to that book...maybe it got exiled like I did...because other realities imposed themselves on me...cruder realities away from the mundane...subterranean realities and those I had to deal with...like it or not...

And the vicious cycle began...

It is not like I was wearing blinkers before...far from it...I suppose I was being prepared for the worst...I believe today I was being prepared to witness the unthinkable...the darkest side of human nature...which until then, I had a foretaste of but not fully...not like today...not like what has happened to Iraq...

It is a bit like Dante's inferno...a spiral descent into the utmost layers of Hell...and surely this could not be IT.

Surely there is more to Life, than occupations, surely there is more to Life than killings, surely there is more to Life than dungeons, rapes, torture and the most abject forms of cruelty, surely there is more to Life than weapons, guns, bombs, explosions, surely there is more to Life than impoverishment, disease, birth defects, depleted uranium, tumors, disfigurement...surely there is more to Life than ruins, rubble, broken homes, broken lives....surely there is more to Life than corruption, deceit, lies, theft...surely there is more to Life than toxic people, poisonous relationships, anguish, angst, fear, insecurity...surely there is more to Life than thousands of stories of grief, bereavement, loss, perdition...surely there must be more to Life than all of that....

Surely there must be more to Life than warped, fucked up, sick egos, all this fake piety, fake discourses...surely there must be something beyond all these lies, all this collective insanity, all this lack of consciousness, all this lack of awareness, all this neglect, all this abandonment, all this greed, all this hypocrisy, all these shadows, all this obscurity...all this darkness, all this hell...surely there must be more to Life than Death...

There must be a spark somewhere...IT cannot be otherwise...

And by God, am hell bent on finding IT.

Monday, 26 April 2010

Let me...

I am listening to this song, I like it...it's called o'people leave me, let me....

The singer is a cutie with a nice voice...but not really my type.
I'm not into "cute" looking men...I like them rugged, sun kissed, and badly ruffled....not literally though...

Still I like this guy's voice --- it has warmth in it....oh and I love warmth in a man's voice...past his Adam's apple...

Infantile voices need not apply.

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Extra Loyal Women Get Nowhere...

I usually don't post jokes but this is a wise pertinent one....for those who care to think. I did say THINK or has this become a misnomer ?

Thanks A.H. for the reality check.

When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also died.
Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a Cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman. She ran towards Him, calling his name: "Joe. Darling, Joe"

Joe said: "Hold your horses woman, and don't give me that 'darling' shit. The deal was very clear".

"Until death do us part"..

Friday, 23 April 2010

Male Assholes Galore...

This afternoon I went for a walk and headed towards a shopping area...I walked into one of those female "boutiques" and checked a blue jeans jacket..the guy, the owner, a 30 year old something with acne scars and 20 tonnes of hair gel, tried his best to sell me something...

I just want to try this blue jeans vest...I said.
They are all one size
It looks too small to me, are you sure they are one size ?
Yes I am sure, they are all imported from Thailand (as if that was some important reference )

I tried one on, this thing was made for tiny girl not a woman...

This can't be right - I said, these vests can't be one size..it's impossible.
No they are - he adamantly replied...
Come on,  look at them - it's not possible....they are not a one size garment...

That dickhead got all annoyed...his fucked up Eastern male ego was at stake. How dare I belie him ?! Well the motherfucker was a liar....these vests were badly fabricated and not even my 10 year old niece would fit in one of them...

So trying to salvage his acne scarred ego and his 20 tonnes of hair gel, he said,

How about this ? handing me a huge zebra printed tunic - this is more fitting for your age...

I felt like taking off my shoe and stuffing it in his dirty mouth...between his lips, lips covered with a fine layer of hair, a so-called mustache, desperate to grow ...

Ya kess emak, (a bad word in Arabic), I thought to myself...take that tunic and stuff it in your mother's ass...maybe it will fit ...

I held back....I was not going to lower myself to the level of that acne scarred dickhead of a boy ....so I just told him - your taste is just a little...hmm...maybe your mother will like it...I just want a jeans jacket...

When I left that so called boutique, which I would not even grace with my poop, I reflected on this incident...and it just confirmed to me what assholes men in this country --are...

Eastern men and Arab men are overall a bad case of assholes....and if I want to be with an asshole, I'd have a love affair with my own butt....at least I know it has no acne scars and no tonnes of hair gel.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

The Authentic Thing...

I woke up soaked in my own tears...I must have cried for hours in my sleep...

I dreamt I was with a small  group of Iraqi artists -  among them was a famous sculptor, an elderly man...

I told him : I've given you a down payment for one of your sculptures, so you can reserve it for me...today I am here, and will pay you the rest of the money...I want to take it home with me.

This sculptor then presented me a piece of work which was not the one I had reserved. He presented me with a sculpted portrait of himself.

I got quite upset and said to him - this is not what I reserved. I gave you a down payment for a sculpture of Iraq not for a sculpture of your face, nor your portrait. I don't care about any individual face, I care about Iraq. Where is my sculpture ?

The artist kept teasing me by showing me more pieces of his work, that had nothing to do with the piece I actually saved money for...he kept showing me trivial pieces of faces, nonsense models, garbage casts...and I got angrier and angrier...

I said to him - I will not leave this place without you giving me what is my due. I want that piece of sculpture of Iraq.  I want the "Authentic Thing."

I understood from the dream that I was desperately trying retrieve, to hold on to the "Authentic Thing" and he could not /did not want,  to part with it himself...he too was trying to retrieve and hold on...

He then tried all kinds of ploys, he even invited me to sit down and eat with the rest of the artists...I refused...He finally gave in and gave me the art work I had saved for all this time...

Then I saw myself in his kitchen..I was preparing something for them to eat....and I was standing by the sink, I could not stop crying and I cried and cried and cried...the elderly man, the sculptor, walked in and just hugged me....I understood that he had gone through it himself, losing the "Authentic Thing"...

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Touching the Heart...

If some "thing" or some "one"  touches your heart enough to make you cry... Don't hold back. Let this "thing" or this "one" in, as It has just knocked on your door...and wants to come in. Open that door and let "It "in...

Sunday, 18 April 2010

"Smelling" People...

Bit and pieces from a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday....we were talking about what else --but "relationships" and my friend asked me -- how come you're not married again ?

I just blurted out - unconsciously so, maybe so - I smell people...that doesn't help...

My friend had this startled look, and repeated -- You smell people ?

I was obviously  caught off guard...no backtracking here.

I casually replied with a " yes I do" as if that is the most natural thing on earth...well it is the most natural thing on earth....isn't it ?

Seeing my friend's confusion, I explained what I meant...

" I feel a person the minute I see him/her. I get in trouble when I brush off this feeling....I can tell within splits of seconds by looking at their face, and from the tone of their voice, what kind of person is in front of me...I feel their energies, their vibes if you like...and I don't want to scare you, but sometimes I can also tell what they secretly think, what their intentions are...I pick on their non verbal cues like a radar -- in short I smell them.."

I added - so to reply to your question - why I have not remarried yet -- I am flabbergasted by the amount of lies people can tell themselves and others...and since most men lie, profusely so, they get caught in no time...and I have no inclination to live with a liar...none whatsoever. I don't feel the need to ...

So my friend said - but all men are liars, we are bastards Layla...this is the way we are made...

- No, this is not the way you are made -- this is the way you have become. You as a male gender failed to heed the call...the prophet Mohamed peace and blessings upon him said " the ones who cheats and the one who lies is not one of us..." and he also said " when you introduce me to a person, do not give me any information about this person beforehand." and this is where I went wrong in the past...
I cheated and lied to myself...I never fully accepted that gift that was presented to me, ever since I was a child, that of knowing a person without knowing anything about them...I never accepted the fact that I could smell people...so does that answer your question ?

My friend nodded...he seemed to understand....after all I did say it was a natural thing...did I not ?

Saturday, 17 April 2010

My Tomatoes Uplifting Song.

I am sticking to my policy - I don't listen to English/American songs no more...for now at least.

I find it sad that only these Western singers get any real publicity and they are not necessarily very talented either....and most of the time the actual music is CRAP.

Hence this video. I like Yara, she's talented and has a beautiful voice. I may not be too crazy about the video itself...and the tomatoes...well if you want to know what the story behind the tomatoes is, you need to check the comments on youtube...

Onions, tomatoes...what the fuck is going on here ? LOL. What a salad !

 But I REALLY like this song. It uplifts me...it's called - Do not care (about what others think/say)


Translation  by Angelius slightly rectified by Moi.


Don't you worry, no matter how long the wait is,
Tomorrow will come, and I will be yours forever.
I swear to you, it does not matter to me,
Without you, my heart cannot tell the difference between ice and fire.
Let the world know who my heart chose,
You, you....
Let everyone see how we sing through the night. 

Your love made me lost for words, I don't want to remember anyone else.
The matter is now public. So let all hear and know
I am telling you from today onwards -- my days are yours, 
I want no one else. 
 

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Onions, Onions, Onions...

There is an Arabic proverb that says - "S'am, s'am, wa fatar ala Bassala". Translation - he/she fasted and fasted and broke the fast with an onion.

This proverb means that someone can -- pray, wish, hope, work for, invest, wait for...a desire to come true, a particular outcome...and in the end God sends him/her an Onion.

And Onions I have known...plenty of fucking onions...dry onions, white onions, red onions, shallot onions, spring onions...all kind of onions...

I peeled and peeled and did nothing but tear in the process...and what was inside the onion, but more layers and more layers of EMPTY skin...and the lingering smell of what else but onions! YUK!!!

OK God, Khalass the joke is over now. It is no longer funny. I have fasted and fasted and will not settle for an onion. I'd rather starve.
Please take good note because am not backtracking !

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

My Baby Only Cares for Moi...

Listen, I have good news...Elizabeth Taylor is getting married....at 85 to a black guy...

It took her 85 years to accept a black guy...

Sorry, can't stop laughing here.

In America...when you're desperado --- reach out.LOL.

Frankly americans are such a fucked bunch...
Like totally fucked...

How about you name me the new... now what was the name of that jewish dude...that american piece of shit, that drunken asshole....who made millions writing crap for america ?

Bukowski -or something along those lines...another jewish american asshole who took america with a fuck you.

Well, let's face it, americans are assholes, and anyone can take them...or fuck them...especially if they are jewish...

But...

Got to love that Oriental Twist to the Nina Simone --My baby only cares for Moi.
No american jew were summoned in the production here...

But hey, Elizabeth Taylor is getting married to a black guy at age 85....it took 85 years for that jewish "princess" LOL....to finally say yes to a lousy black guy...

Where is F.Fanon ? Bring him in now !

Monday, 12 April 2010

Chatterboxes

I noticed something about the majority of women, they LOVE to talk....talk, talk, talk...chatter, chatter, chatter...endless talk, babble talk, nonsense talk, trivial talk, idle talk, coffee talk, shopping talk, cooking talk, kid's talk, relationship talk, fashion talk, make up talk, diet talk, phone talk, serious talk, they just fucking talk ALL THE TIME...

This is one " feminine" trait I don't have...maybe because I write, write and write instead...

And that is why I AVOID female gatherings at all costs -- they give me HEADACHES. Seriously, I get violent headaches when I mingle with a group of women who talk all the time...it's like a stereo sytem, dolby sound, a cacophony of utter noise...

I don't understand why women are uncomfortable with SILENCE. I don't understand why women can't be by themselves and just be silent. There are many virtues in Silence...why this endless chatter ?????

My family tells me am not normal...well the female members of the family tell me am not normal...I've been like that since I was a kid...I always preferred the world of the written word to playing, I preferred music to dolls, I preferred solitary activities to children's amusement...And by God did they try to mould me into something different...something else...and it DID NOT WORK.

And the irony of it all is that -- all the men I meet, I see them to be chatterboxes...they talk, talk, talk....rubbish talk, garbage talk, nonsense talk....At least with women the subjects are a little diverse...with men it's always about ME, MYSELF and I.--- me, me, me...ad infinitum...YAWN.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Evil men and Hell on Earth...

There are two kinds of hell on earth, maybe more than two but definitely these two can be classified as hell...
One is war and occupation and the other is relationships.

Family relationships are one kind of hell, but there is a greater one, when you are married or in a relationship with an Evil man...and you think you're stuck or are actually stuck.

This is what I will focus on this morning...Evil men.

I know that so-called sophisticated medical etiology likes to label these men --the majority of men, may I add as --mentally deranged,,disturbed, insane, psychotic, paranoid, schizophrenic, psychopath, pathological, depressed, bipolar, learned violence, compulsive, addicted, etc....

That is nice for a medical books, I believe none of it.

There is one only word for these men -- EVIL.

But since we live in so called advanced societies, civilized secular societies, we shun away from using  the word Evil, or refer to any concept of Morality and we find it more politically correct to find justifications for certain behaviors --- many of which are deadly....both in the short and long run...

This is all bullshit --- I call things by their name - EVIL. EVIL. EVIL.

Let's bring back the word Evil in our daily vocabulary because this is WHAT IT IS !

Yes of course there are evil women too...no doubt about it....but really let's face it, the prevalence of evil men is far superior...and far deadlier...DEADLIER. In other words it can kill you...It can kill you spiritually, morally, psychologically and physically....

This is a strong Alert, a loud Alarm Bell...this is an imperative Call.. This is not an appeal, one does not appeal to Evil, one appeals only to Goodness...

This is a call to the world, to the whole world... WE MUST STOP EVIL MEN FROM COMMITTING MORE CRIMES.

And you do not stop Evil with medication, you do not stop Evil with therapy, you do not stop Evil with rehabilitation, you can only stop Evil men with a STRONG system that PUNISHES them for their evil wrongdoings...There are no two ways about it.

A strong judicial, political, system, society where there is ZERO tolerance towards Evil men. For that one needs to develop that ZERO tolerance for Evil within oneself....

Punishment is sometimes a VERY GOOD thing. I don't believe that one needs to be understanding....and compassion can come later....Victims of Evil men need our compassion not the predators...

I repeat ZERO TOLERANCE.

That's ENOUGH. ENOUGH, ENOUGH !!!! And if need be  -- take the law in your own hands and shoot the motherfucker, blow him to fucking pieces !! It's called legitimate self defense or to use the words of Malcolm X -- take him to the cemetery

Do you know how many women, are subjected to daily violence, DAILY violence by men ? MILLIONS of women worldwide are subjected to DAILY violence by men. At home, in the streets, in the workplace, in their families, by their so-called protectors of my ass and by strangers.

Violence in the form of  cheating, lying, abuse of trust, verbal abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse,  be it in rape, be it in beatings, be it in killings...fucking DAILY. Do you understand what DAILY means ? DAILY means every fucking day of their lives...

HELL ON EARTH is created BY EVIL MEN. Hell on Earth is the fruit of EVIL MEN. And female tolerance and enabling in the name of some fucked up love has helped these men...and these men are multiplying in thousands, like germs...a pandemic of EVIL.

You find it in the 4 corners of the world - from the East, to the West,  in the North and in the South....It is worse than the worst of epidemics.

ZERO TOLERANCE. ZERO TOLERANCE.

It ranges from the daily poison of relationships where your so called other -half, better- half, your so-called protector dishes day in a day out his lies to you, takes you for granted, abuses you mentally and verbally...and it extends to your boss, to the stranger in the street...and it extends to governments and their politicians and their war machinery, their soldiers....It's fucking everywhere...

But women have become so used to this WAR, this evil war on their beings that they no longer notice it...they only notice it when the cheating, the lying becomes a hell, they only notice it when the neglect and abandonment drives them to the street, they only notice it when the verbal abuse starts bruising the body and the soul, they only notice it when the rape gnaws at the spirit, they only notice it when hovering over their dead bodies, looking at their coffins in which their bodies lay to REST.


This post was a spontaneous outburst, a call to the world, to God, to whoever it is out there...following a short piece of news, Yet ANOTHER piece of news that got two sentences....I heard it while I was being a good woman, cleaning and cooking, while I was watering my plants and changing the water in which the roses were blooming...two sentences that I hear daily....two sentences that I read daily...two sentences I have been living with since I was born, two sentences that pop up in the four corners of the world.....in the first, second, third and fourth world...

The body of a woman was found....dead..murdered by......father, uncle, brother, cousin, husband, boyfriend, lover, client, soldier, militia man, sniper, stranger.....

Today it was -- the body of  30 year old woman was found naked bearing signs torture, murdered by her husband.




video: Egyptian composer Omar Khairat. Al-Aseefa / The Storm.

A Night at the Movies...

Went with a friend to watch an absolutely wonderful film -- My name is Khan.

The film deals with stereotypes about Muslims and Sharukh Khan staged a beautiful performance...I even wrote about this Indian actor once, when he was arrested in a US airport for interrogation because of his name...some months ago...

So while I was standing waiting for my friend to get the tickets, two western women were standing not too far off, and two veiled women were there as well waiting separately...I heard one of these western woman say to her friend -- look at them, just look at them with their veils-- pointing to the other two women who were wearing headscarves...and these two western women are in an Arab, Muslim country, queuing to watch a film about stereotypes on Muslims !

Western arrogance does not have limits does it now ?! I am really so fed up with this lot...

What does it matter what these two women were wearing, they are in their own country you pieces of shits.
We don't come and impose our style of clothing on you in your countries...you sit topless on beaches, tanning your breasts, and I've seen you do that in Arab countries, even during Ramadan our holy month, you walk around, parading yourselves...thinking yourselves to be queens of Sheba, while YOU'RE NOT EVEN WORTH ONE DIME  -- with absolutely no respect for others, and no one tells you a word...

But with all the arrogance and ignorance of the world, you still grab the slightest opportunity to throw your poisonous sneers...I mean who the fuck do you think you are ?! You pieces of garbage !

I want you to get it through those thick ignorant skulls of yours, that no one gives a fuck about you, what you think and what you believe....get off your pedestals !

Just because people are hospitable towards you does not mean that you are anything special...this is our nature to be hospitable and generous...and in my opinion we should not be either with you lot... We should treat you exactly the same way you treat us both -- in our countries and in your own countries...

Anyways, I was saying...this film is a must watch.