Integrity is an alien word these days...and particularly so in personal relationships.
I don't know what type of relationships you've had, but I sure know mine.
I kept thinking there was something wrong with me, until I realized that there is nothing wrong with me, but that there is everything wrong with the men I meet. Most happen to be Arabs and Muslims (by name alone not necessarily of Arab origins either) and am very tempted to say UNFORTUNATELY SO.
I say unfortunately so, because neither category lives up to anything they preach. Really, it has become beyond pathetic, it has become grave and seriously so. I say grave, because this is the example they keep setting for others to follow. And the inherent message in that example, is - you forfeit your ways, the principles you live by because they don't work anymore, they are anachronistic. And that's a damn grave statement to make with far reaching implications and consequences for the women in their lives and for society at large.
As for me, it takes me extra work, extra strength and extra courage not to be sucked into that in vogue current of lies and deceit, into their ways which has become the norm in both private and public spheres and which has plagued the minds of these men, hopelessly so.
Time and time again, I am deceived, lied to, cheated, manipulated...The truth, is an alien concept to these men, seriously. Lying is second skin to them, they'd lie about the smallest and biggest of things...it's ENDEMIC in them. And they are so steeped in it, they would not even recognize Truth even if it hits them between the eyes.
If mister is generous enough, he will give you the truth in homeopathic doses, drop by drop...so naturally, when I smell a big fat rat, I go after the stink. I get to the bottom of the shit, and then you discover layers and layers of fabricated stuff, lie upon lie, make believe upon make believe...so naturally you get furious, I do and very much so.
Of course I do, lying is fucking emotional abuse, and I have been constantly abused by these dickheads lies. First I give the benefit of the doubt, but my intuition tells me otherwise, my in built alarm system starts vibrating, then a thousand bells start ringing in my ears...
And am patient, am patient not because am naive, am patient because patience is a strategy. A strategy to get to the Truth.
Then comes the utter limits, and patience gives in to confrontation, and then to rage for being so betrayed in your own integrity, for having your own dignity so disrespected and trampled on, for being treated like some fool, for being insulted in your intelligence and for being repeatedly abused by lies, deceptions and fabrications.
And then comes sadness, all the time spent, all the energy wasted, all the words said...
Had these assholes and they are assholes, had some backbone, some spine, some balls, some guts, they could play it differently. They could play it like real MEN.
They could say - I said so and so, but this is not the case, I apologize and this is what really happened.
or they could say - I did promise this, I failed to deliver, let me explain myself.
or they could say - I screwed up, I realize, I apologize, I want to make amends, and I want to make it right.
or they could say - This is what happened, this is the full story.
or they could just say it from the very beginning AS IT IS.
Now, that's called fucking INTEGRITY. That's called owning up. That's called having balls. That's called having guts. That's called strength. That's called respect. That's called being a MAN.
So of course, when you do get to the truth, by your own means, and you find out how duped and the extent of the superchery you get angry...of course you get angry...any person with an iota of self respect and dignity will get angry for being duped.
So how do these assholes react to your anger ? They tell you in so many words you don't respect them. Of course you bastards I don't respect you. What is there to respect ? You have no fucking integrity in you, you have no fucking standards to live by, you have no fucking morals, you have no fucking conscience, what do you want me to respect you for ?! Or maybe you think I should respect you for paying lip service to things you don't apply and don't practice ?!
But, but, but...these same assholes who have none in them, also get angry if put in the same situation, if the tables are turned... But they don't get angry because they have integrity, they get angry because their fucked up ego, the ego of a kid, emotionally arrested at age 10, is bruised, they get angry because their ego is crushed. This is how pathetic they are and this shows how little standards they have.
And you know why this is so ? Because they are always banking on your integrity, on your patience...thinking to themselves and believing - this time I will get away with it, this time I will invent another cock and bull story, this time I will find another lame excuse, and after all, she's a decent woman, she's got integrity, she's patient, she's a good Arab Muslim girl, I can get away with it again...
But these assholes always fail to learn the lesson, always...they fail to understand, the simple, simple truth and that truth is - had they been straightforward from the very beginning, had they been honest, had they had balls, guts, spine from the beginning, had they not chosen the easy way out, had they shown some Integrity themselves, they would have been respected, admired and forgiven time and time again.
P.S : The politically correct would argue, well this is the case for men worldwide. Maybe so and that's beside the point. Men worldwide don't preach into my head 24/7 about morality, principles and good behavior, nor do men worldwide use the name of the Almighty Allah, 10 times in one sentence, in vain...