Oh wait, my narcissism is nothing compared to yours...the amount of self praising shit I read online, I pale dimly in comparison.
And why not after all? Am not a bad deal. Actually am a very good deal. And for once am not writing about others, giving them my time and energy...am writing about me.
The title is kind of misleading...I never say all about me...the very important essential crucial stuff remains with me. People are always under the impression that they really know me well...but they don't. It's just an impression. I have corners in my self that no one can reach...but I have reached them. I know myself very well. I spent a lifetime getting to know myself...I think this is one of my greatest achievements and one of my best investments.
It was hard, took a lot of effort, courage, time, energy, but I like the end result - I am no stranger to myself.
I am no stranger to myself at all...I may feel like a stranger or strange to many people, but am no stranger to myself. I inhabit me, I take up the space inside of me...there is no hollowness, no emptiness, no shallowness...I've dived as far as I could and as deeply as I could...
Am sure there is more...but that I will uncover later...in the process, in due time...
I was not raised like a spoiled girl...I learned delayed gratification, I learned to wait, I learned patience...later on I learned endurance and perseverance...these are off shoots of Patience.
Shallowness is a big turn off for me...I find in it the epitome of Pettiness...Shallowness for me is the antithesis of the Cosmos, of the Universe, of its depth and its vastness. I can't stand petty shallow people. I find them to be a waste of life. This reminds me of a book I read sometimes ago - the little man in the box. This is how I view petty people...little men and women in square boxes. And am not easily impressed either...what impresses other people easily does not impress me at all. It takes much to impress me. And non of it has to do with quantity. For me quality is primordial because quality has the power to transform...
I was always viewed as different, from a very early age, am not sure different from what or from whom...but different...
In the beginning, this perception by others bothered me, made me want to hide, today I assume it, I wear it with pride, a badge of honor.
It was nothing physical, or the way I looked, it was just the way I was...apart.
Apart is the right word ...yes apart. Apart from the crowd, apart from the group, apart from the peers...Just apart.
Maybe I was born that way, to be apart...I don't know, but it's always been there and am very fine with it. I inhabit that "apart" and am no stranger in my own territory. I know my inner house and all of its dwellings very well...hence I can know the other easily...without much analysis, or thought...it just kind of jumps to my face...within seconds.
It's not a rational knowing, it's a different kind of knowing...very hard to explain in words...maybe instinctive, intuitive, archaically limbic...and beyond...
I am not sure why am writing all of this...who cares, it is my diary after all...an online diary...beats talking about my latest hairdo, my wardrobe, my nails, my love affairs, or what I had for breakfast...
Well that kind of sums it up for now...by no means all comprehensive or exhaustive...my house is of many mansions.
