What a day! What a bloody day !
Layla is in bad, bad shape...
I had a nasty fall earlier on this evening, like real nasty...my knee is bandaged, my wrist is bandaged, my elbow is bandaged, and am typing with 7 fingers, unable to move the remaining 3...
It all happened around 7 pm. I had just finished running some errands, the weather was stupendous, I was in a pedestrian area, full of terrace cafés. And I just love sitting in cafés doing nothing...I think they should award me a Phd in cafés "flâneries" (I don't know how you say flâner in English - the closest is being idle in a pleasurable fashion - and they say the one who is idle, is free)
I can literally spend hours, sipping my coffee, reading a book, writing in my notepad, watching people, silently talking to myself (am not that crazy to do it out loud, not yet anyways) and just being there...
The sun was setting gently, I had forgotten my sunglasses at home...and was a little blinded by the light.
I was savoring my iced coffee, to which I added cinnamon and vanilla powder, watching them dissolve with the ice cubes...
The pedestrian area was packed with people at this time of the evening. I read some, watched some, talked to myself some...and said to myself - why the rush girl, take your time and go home when you are ready... I did have an appointment at
10 pm. Was supposed to meet with Z. and his friends for drinks...but I had time, I was in no hurry to be anywhere else...
I noticed this fairly well built guy, very bald, like totally bald, standing not too far, talking to a friend of his. He looked like something in between Yul Brynner and Kojak, more like Yul Brynner than Kojak. Not bad looking actually. And I have nothing against bald guys. I actually find them quite sexy.
Anyways, this stranger's friend left and he just stood there, not too far from my table...he kept moving left and right, and I thought to myself -- okay this guy is hitting on you...but of course since I was blinded by the light, I could not even look in his direction without blinking and frankly I did not want to look ridiculous...vanity I suppose. Hey, am entitled to vanity too, you know.
But when this Yul look alike turned his back, his head was shining, like a polished mirror...Had I stood up, I could have caught a glimpse of my own reflection...honestly.
I thought to myself, I wonder why is it shining the way it does - did he put gel on his bald head, suntan lotion, olive oil, car oil - what the hell was that ???
I mean, it's not like he had to run his fingers through a mane of hair or anything like that.
After a while I gave up trying to figure out, why his baldy head was so shiny...I said to myself - Yalla, enough of your nonsense girl, you better get moving...
So I gathered my handbag that looks and feels like a suitcase, and 2 bags full of groceries, stood up, and was heading towards...when bang, one huge bang and I fell onto the asphalt...
Right underneath my nose were three hard steep stairs leading to the street below...
A dickhead of an Englishman had just passed by right as I made my first step, dragging along a 4 feet long trolley/luggage on wheels...I saw him but did not see the bloody suitcase, I was blinded by the light and my mind was still too busy figuring out why this guy's head was so shiny.
I tripped on his bloody luggage and fell right on my face, my nose and chin dangling right over the edge of the stairs...
The English dickhead did not even stop. I remember screaming in English - thank you sucker. I could not get up. The pain in my knee and wrist were/are obnoxious...
The weird thing is that the place was packed and no one moved a finger. I sat on the asphalt rubbing my knee, my knuckles bleeding, and in a daze...
Finally Mr.Bald Head walks towards me and says in English -- are you okay ?
What do you think ? I can't get up. Do you think am okay or not ?
And this piece of conversation was the most surreal of it all...This is what he textually said :
- you must have been absent minded... (I was still on the floor)
- actually I was blinded by the sunlight (did not want to tell him the UV rays from your head blinded me)
Up to this point, Mr Bald Head did not even offer to help me get up. I was still sitting on the shitty asphalt, gathering all the groceries and the stuff that fell out of my bags...
So where are you from ?
I could not fucking believe it.
What does it matter where am from, I just busted my knee and wrist, do you have a tissue, my knuckles are bleeding...
No sorry, so where are you from ? I am from Egypt.
No shit, I thought to myself...all I need right now is some bald Egyptian prick
He finally said (after about 10 mn) Can I help you ?
Thanks but no thanks.
Look after yourself, he said
Yeah right.
By the time I got home, limping like a duck, it was already 9.00 pm. I called Z. and apologized for not making it tonight. He was nice about it. He said :
I'll get you some soup
Soup ? I don't have the flu, I just fell. I can't bloody walk...
So what ! soup is food, is it not ? So I will get you some soup...
So Z. got me some lentil soup in this heat!
I gracefully accepted it, ate it and now feel on top of my swollen knee and wrist, a distended, bloated abdomen, about to explode...
Moral of the story ?
1) I was being punished by the politically correct Gods for venturing into Starbucks after a long absence.
2) be very grateful that my head did not hit the edge of the stairs.
3) should be less absent minded
4) never ever forget my sunglasses
5) watch out for English dickheads with trolley bags
6) never ever stare at a bald man's head, ever again, specially if he is from Egypt.
and last but not least,
7) lentil soup in the summer heat is still food...eat it and shut up.
My, all these pearls of wisdom from one surreal evening.
Okay enough for now.
I really am in pain (and I know some of you will rejoice at this bit of news and secretly say to themselves - serves her right - so in advance, I say to you -- fuck you)...and I still need to digest those lentils...
Yalla, nite nite.
