Down There with You...2012

I asked Him
where were you when...


It was dark and damp
down there
alone 
 in total obscurity
a black veil covering 
my sight, separating me, us...


No Light
no human touch
no compassionate
voice
you ask of me mercy
you leave me down there
in the abyss
of foreign hands
of sticks, stones
of fire surging from dragons mouths
lacerating my body
my soul


No Light
just a cell
with my back 
against a cold indifferent wall
I reach out 
another cold hard wall
my breath constricted
unable to inhale, exhale
fear, the stone in my stomach
my only food
my only nourishment
day and night
day became night
and night became day
falling into a long night
the Layl of my being.


I said to you 
fine take me 
You wanted surrender
and I did
the animal
beaten into submission
tamed into silence
the silence of death


For I died
a thousand times,
occasionally
tears, reminded me of
of water 
of out there
of
rivers, where people sit by their banks
laughing, hugging
sea shores where cool breeze
caresses the  hair
streams that
bare feet playfully tease
rain, when it hits my window 
snow and icebergs
where my tears froze in waiting
Water
water of baths that purify
water that quenches
on hot summer days
the water of life
flowing in my tear...


Stuck, a prisoner
in a dry dark well
an abandoned Joseph
an outcast
the scorn and envy of others
dumped in a well
out of sight
days, months, years passed
and you left me there
in an infinite moment
praying for rain
eating earth
mud 
worms
swallowing 
stones
snakes
and bitter, caustic venom
in a place
with no life
and no death


I cried out 
then
as I cried out 
today
So where were You when...


I waited
defiant, challenging minutes
seconds
challenging the silence
of an Eternity
I waited just like I waited 
in that cell
in that well
where dreams were forbidden
where wounds sang soothing lullabies
rocking me 
in sleepless nights


I repeated the question
demanding, requesting, a reply
So where were You when... 
as if this is was your last chance to prove
as if this was our final goodbye
before we part ways
before I turn my back
before I walk out...


So where were You 
then
when...


"I was down there with you "
you gently said.


The Layl of my Being  May 2012.