Sunday 31 July 2011

Be the Woman...

Another post on men...

Let me give it to you before I get struck by a lightening during Ramadan, should God decide to punish me for revealing the secret...

There are two kinds of men. Well actually there are not two kinds of men but only one kind with two faces.

There's the guy who wants you in high heels and a light dress/skirt, and there's the guy who wants you in a full fledged veil.

No matter what they tell you, that's the way it is. The - I accept you as you are - is bollocks.

In either case, if you're veiled or in a sexy dress, you're really doing it for him - he wants, thinks, hopes...

The veiled at home is to be in high heels and a dress and the one in the street is to be his alone...

In either case, it's for him.

So if you want to be his woman , regardless, do me a favor, play needy...after all a woman veiled is in need of protection and a woman in high heels and a dress can't run for her life...

I personally am barefoot...

Thursday 28 July 2011

Utterly Bored...with fucked Men.

I must admit am utterly bored with fucked up men...which happens to be the great majority. Don't frown now. Had that not been the case, the world would not be in the state it is in now.
I mean, it must really take fucked men to take us that down, that low...

Today for instance I met a guy by sheer coincidence, who was moaning about how he was betrayed by his woman, she fucked some other dude...upon closer look, this guy comes across as some asshole whose only mission in life is to fuck women...i.e some jerk of a Don Juan. Now he moans he was betrayed...

Fuck it, I got plenty of other examples...guys who have not grown past their dicks...wankers of all sorts, all classes, all backgrounds, all religions, all races talking shit, talking so suave, so neat, so clean, so pure...don't believe any of this crap. None of it. Women are usually suckers for these kind of appearances. That's the problem with women. When they meet a guy they hardly ever dig deeper. That's your fucking idiocy. Remedy that. And do it now and stop whining. Am here to help you.

I am not charging you nothing, am giving it to you free. Open your eyes. And call a man a fucked man when he pulls you down and pulls the whole planet down with you....

Shameless Bastards.

This post is written with some men in mind, a lot of men in mind, those shameless bastards, who go to any length to get what they want, using any means...ANY MEANS.
Daily, I come across women, of all ages, who have been CONNED, conned in their trust, conned in their hearts, conned in their finances....conned by some fucked bastard of a prick who is not worth 2 cents.
Profiteers of the hearts, profiteers of sex, profiteers of emotions, profiteers of the soul and of the body --- just profiteers...

Oh no, they are not necessarily bums, nor are they necessarily down and out, they are your "regular" guy, and some of them cloaked in religious garb too. But no matter, deep down they are fucked bastards and must be called by their true name - shameless bastards.

Every woman should be on the look out for the shameless bastard, because he resides in every man. All my male friends tell me so. And in all likelihood, that includes you too, the male reader.
So fuck you in advance.

Monday 25 July 2011

Saturday 23 July 2011

...very...very...much

Dedicated to _____________ fill in your name(s)

With All my Love,

Layla.





Friday 22 July 2011

Only Human...

I need to finish that post about the Cleansing of Iraq, I am sure it's going to be divided into many parts, because the destruction has been deep and branched out into so many spheres....

I recoil at the thought, a reality I do not wish to face fully, a sort of willful denial...I still don't understand what it is I am protecting myself from ?

Am lying...I am protecting myself from the realization that this love affair is over, or this love affair will only be relegated to the level of words...but is that not what they aimed for in the first place, hoping to even erase the words ?

I also need to live my life, 8 years of my life have gone by...preceded by another 10 or so...I have been so tied up to and with Iraq. It literally feels as if I had stopped living...while others got on with it, they did their thing...regardless. I didn't. I devoted all my energies to Iraq, the big bulk of it...

A part of me says it is high time that you abdicate, girl. You've done your share, now let go...and tend your own garden, that garden that you have been neglecting for so many years now...and another part of me says - no, you are to continue, regardless...because Iraq is part and parcel of you and there is no escape from that Destiny.

Wednesday 20 July 2011

Carefree...

I've probably used that title before, I don't know, I can't remember. I will not check and I don't care...

Not caring is freeing...I don't care anymore. I don't care no more. I only care for those who deserve my care...an anonymous reader is not one of them. Twisted faces, constricted hearts, constipated minds are not one of them...

I have grown so much, I can't be reached...I have grown so much, taxed into growth, but that's fine too...it took me years to realize that none matters but those that matter...and am sorry to break it to you so bluntly - but you don't matter to me...no more.

I guess that's it.

Saturday 16 July 2011

Artists in an Attic...

So you don't want to write about their decadence ? he said.
I paused, speechless...
You are afraid, he said.
I felt small in that room.

Many years later...

I found myself in an attic, in a cellar...
I was left with no choice but to write about their decadence.

Thursday 14 July 2011

"A Fuck Friend "

Was reading an "interesting" "scientific" article today about the lives of celibates in Europe.
Seems that since "love" and "relationships" have become so complicated, the European celibates opt for a North American import called a "fuck friend".

Basically or basi (as Jerry Springer says), a "fuck friend" is someone whom you fuck on a quasi regular basis, with the implicit/explicit understanding that the relationship remains on the level of "sexual hygiene".

Now this gets really "interesting". Sexual hygiene in this context has got nothing to do with STD's, or cleanliness of the genitalia. By sexual hygiene is meant "regular sexual release".

You see if you want a "hygienic life" you need to look for a life partner, short of that, a "fuck friend" will do.

That article then based itself on several case studies of men and women who "used" "fuck friends" for "sexual hygiene".

And this is the modus operandi :

- with a "fuck friend " minimal talk is required : text messages whenever your libido needs a hygienic cleaning will suffice. No need for conversation, dialogue, meeting of minds... all that unnecessary bullshit...social pragmatism

- with a "fuck friend " expenditure is kept at a low cost, meaning you are under no obligation to share meals, drinks, or any other form of appetizers...economic pragmatism.

- with a "fuck friend " the agenda is clear, to the point, squeezed in between your heavy timetable, no explanations required...time is money pragmatism.

- with a "fuck friend" you may indulge in long term sex, assuming it is hot sex (a condition for the "fuck friend" "spirit") provided that no attachment of any sort, ensues. Apart of course from an attachment at the genital level until a better option presents itself...sexual pragmatism.

- a "fuck friend" implicitly understands, (and it is theoretically a mutual understanding) that the day you will find THE partner (fit enough to be yours), the "fuck friend" shall disappear from your life...relational pragmatism.

This "utilitarian" approach to sex may come off as a reasonable short term measure/remedy for a loveless life. However, upon a closer look, this approach denotes nothing but a fear of Love and Intimacy...

And fearful people make lousy lovers.

P.S: for all the CUNTS that used to mind my use of the FUCK word, here it is amply used in one of your "scientific" journals. Just thought I'd mention it.

Wednesday 13 July 2011

Internet Garbage Dumps.

There are two major GARBAGE dumps on the internet.

One is called Facebook and the other is called Twitter. In both these "social" medias, you are first allowed to learn what you need to learn about the ignorance, idiocy, stupidity, arrogance, of the human race...this is the testing.

Next comes the action - you are first to dump these internet whores and next to rise above them.

Social media teaches you everything you need to learn about humans. In my case it just confirms what I have known all along....

Tuesday 12 July 2011

Blocked Sentences...

The fucking nosy lifeless parasite creeping in between my lines. The fucking glue sticking my pages together. The fucking predator vampire sucking on my ink. The fucking prude orgasmic drooling while feigning righteousness. The fucking censor on my back.

I need to silence these motherfuckers once and for all, first inside my head. Only then will they no longer appear before me in reality.

Saturday 9 July 2011

Be Not Afraid to Shine.

This is one of the most captivating interpretations of the Cinderella story that I have read so far. Contrary to all the others, this one makes sense and speaks to me, loud and clear.

"Cinderella wants the Prince, and the Prince wants her. What is difficult is learning to think about herself as someone who is able to pursue her pleasure. The stepmother despises and sabotages Cinderella's desires. The stepsisters threaten her with envy, and Cinderella's endless housework is an attempt to deny herself pleasure, and so comply with the mother-oppressor and avoid other women's envy. The fairy godmother, however, is the good mother who supports and relishes Cinderella's pleasures without directing or distorting or competing with them. Cinderella has been compliant in hiding her own fire, but her godmother encourages her (in that crucial dressing-up scene) to reveal her brilliance and beauty and get what she wants, and withstand the envy of others..."

Extract from Adam Phillips - On Balance. Guardian, 3rd July 2010

On Youngsters...

I find youngsters to be cute, in a pathetic kind of way...

There is nothing I can say or do that will relay experience to this group...they are still full of illusions, misplaced energy and hormones...what can you tell them ?
They are driven by myths..they hardly ever stop and question, they try to sound all knowledgeable, easily overtaken by headlines, slogans, ideas, concepts... they have no fucking clue of what they really mean...

I was there too, a pathetic youngster, full of illusions. I had to learn it the hard way...hence my affection and at the same time my total abnegation of this youth. I don't envy them, don't wish to join them, and don't wish to look back...

Friday 8 July 2011

Marketed Myths...

I spent several hours reading reviews on Adam Phillips. An English psychoanalyst, literary critic and somewhat of a philosopher, but not your typical one. I came across him by sheer "luck", and the little I read, piqued my interest enough to go research most of his works. I was delighted with some of the findings.

I suppose my delight came from the fact that here is an "authority" reiterating what I have always believed, on some intuitive level, namely that we live by modern myths, and through modern myths...myths that in the end contribute to our misery...

I can't go through all the reviews here, but I will mention a few headings that are of particular relevance and will elaborate by adding my own thoughts...

Myth no.1 - The pursuit of Happiness.

Happiness cannot be pursued. What you pursue eludes you. Happiness is being marketed as some product you can eagerly wish for and if you have the right means you can end up buying it. This is one of the greatest fallacies of modern times.

Happiness is not a goal, happiness is a by-product. A by-product of living a life that is in accordance with one's deepest values and meaning. In order to find out what one's own personal values are, some soul searching is necessary. In order to infuse meaning into one's life, the first question to pose - is what do you want to do with your life ?
I personally believe once you do what is aligned with your true self, happiness is an automatic byproduct.

Myth no.2 - Relationships are the new God.

With the development of the secular state and the loss of a vertical connection to a God, relegating any form of religious beliefs to the background, relationships, in particular with the opposite sex have replaced the Divinity. The other becomes your center. In fact the vertical is replaced with the horizontal, not necessarily in sexual terms alone.

It is of no wonder that tons of literature are devoted as how to make relationships "work". The fact of the matter is that you can only do so much to make a relationship work. After a certain point, if it does not work, it does not work and no amount of "investing" in the relation will make it work. The idea that relationships are meant to last for ever and ever, like an infinite God, is the basic belief upon which the relationship myth is based.

This does not mean that we should all separate and go our own ways, but rather become aware that as long as we have forfeited our own center, we are bound to be disappointed by this new idolized god of Relationships.


This brings me to Myth no.3 and is very related to the Relationship God - which is - a Happy Family is Conflict-Free

It is assumed in pop literature, that life and relationships ideals with particular reference to the family are devoid of conflict. We shun conflict as any conflict is a threat to our ego, our sense of security. And we associate conflict with lack or loss of love. In fact, it is quite the opposite...

Love is often associated with some sentimentalized idealized feeling. Love is not a sentiment, love is a way of life and life contains conflicts by its very nature.
Wishing for a different family so one can feel that sentimentalized love, is one of the hardest myths to break and lies at the core of our unhappiness. Any relationship entails attraction and repulsion. This is a FACT. Any relationship will have a mixture of love, kindness, hatred and cruelty. Love is when you have lived through all the opposites of a particular relation and finally accept the other. This is of particular relevance to family, because one assumes (rightly or wrongly) that you can choose a partner but you can't choose your family. So basically accepting your family for what it IS and not for what you have always secretly or not so secretly wished it to be, will free you. And in that freeing you will be happy.


I will continue later...

Thursday 7 July 2011

It's all a Comedy...

It's too bad I can't do online what I love doing most...imitating accents.

I can pull the Indian/Pakistani, Italian, French, English, German, American, Iraqi, Persian, Lebanese, Syrian, Palestinian/Jordanian, Moroccan/Algerian, Khaleeji (Arab Gulf) Spanish, Greek, Turkish, African, Portuguese/Brazilian, Russian, Filipino, Chinese, Israeli -- way of speaking with no sweat...

Confession, I do it alone, when I get pissed off with a people...I use comical imitations, and I feel much better knowing it's all a comedy - sort of.

Wednesday 6 July 2011

A Moment in July....

Was it last July, or the one before ? Maybe it's this July, or the coming one.

I remember landing in this place, I was carrying baggage as I usually do, my hair was falling on my face, sticking to me through beads of perspiration, the load was heavy, and no trolley in sight...

I remember catching a glimpse of you standing in a queue with only one bag...actually you caught me first, that's how I turned my head and saw you...you were watching me struggling with my luggage, slightly amused at my muttered curses, silenced by my loud huffs and puffs...

You stood in that queue and watched me pull one bag after another, have it fall, picking it up again...an interminable manège, a merry go round that looked like this conveyor belt...

You kept a straight face, as straight as your piercing gaze...but I noticed that wry smile in the corner of your lips hiding in its folds a shy attempt... I kept cursing the load in my life pretending not to notice a damn thing, but the weight that pulled at my shoulder blades, the cross of my exile...

And there you stood, trying to be a statue of calm, erect, as if not needing the world...yet you gripped that little suitcase with all your might, I saw your knuckles go red with the clench...

I was all over the place, but was swifter than you...a cyclone always takes by surprise...I jumped the queue and ended in front of you...

Still tripping over my self, I grabbed the first exit...and I knew you were still watching...

Tuesday 5 July 2011

Love in the Age of Mediocrity...

If you have not exposed yourself to the Multitude, you know nothing about people. Your little circle is not good enough, nor sufficient enough to give you a taste of "people".

Love in the age of Mediocrity can only be known if you are capable of wearing several hats...can only be known by testing reactions, assuming different personas, using different masks...only then can you really find out...

It's not a show, just a strategy...for the purpose of learning.

In the age of Mediocrity people will only love you (approve of you) if you reflect back to them their own mediocrity...

It means in effect, several things : not rocking the boat, upholding the status quo, immersing yourself in their daily pettiness, confining yourself to their square boxes, mincing your words, coloring them in pastel colors, or better still swallowing them, avoid talking about real issues, real concerns, no questioning, wear satin gloves with the fake smile that goes with it, manage egos that smell of rotten eggs, turn a blind eye, play dumb, not call a spade a spade, forget the names of things, minimize events, deny anything is wrong, enable the continuation of the comedy, carefully chose sentences, keep any affect to a strict minimum, adopt a jovial predisposition, stay upbeat, pretend all is fine, don't argue, don't refuse, don't rebel, downplay their ignorance, lies, deceptions, stupidity, find excuses, rationalizations, be nice, feign interest and excitement at their trivialities, play deaf, overlook the obvious, make them laugh, be a sweetie, be there for them - no matter what, look enthusiastic about their empty projects, make their hollowness music to your ears, dig hard and deep for that little spark inside of them, while telling yourself they've got something special, frown upon all criticisms and censor yours, be the good one who accepts them as they are even in you feel like you're drowning in their shallowness, be the same, similar, never different...

Only then will you be considered the jolly good fellow, the lovable one, in their Age of Mediocrity.