Nearly all the people I know who have tied the knot - who are married - complain all the time...like ALL the time...either the man complains or the woman complains or they both complain long and hard enough in front of the courts...
As if problems are embedded in any marital/couple relationship. It is endless...the woes, the disappointments, the deception, the lies, the confusion, the misunderstandings, all of that is endless...
When I sit, watch and listen, I feel am in a war zone...literally. And it is during those moments, which are more often than not, that I feel an extreme sense of gratitude for being single...I personally cannot handle all this daily emotional and psychological upheaval. Aren't relationships supposed to give one a sense of security somewhere ? All I witness is the opposite. I see people staying together out of HABIT rather than security..I see people sticking together and breaking at the seams..I see people developing all kinds of somatic illnesses because it sucks being in that family, in that relationship...yet they stay together...not always, but most of the time they live it through, sail it through, I am not sure they ever make it to some safe haven, but they stick together...
This is what I call staying power...I am not sure I possess that though...actually I am not sure I have met any man with whom I felt it was worth developing that staying power...am great at running for the door...first exit, no left or right turn, straight ahead and away...
I can't handle mental and emotional war zones...I am too scarred as is. I can't handle narcissistic men and 99.9% of Eastern men, in particular Arab men are grossly narcissistic, and I find them impossible to deal with let alone live with...besides I don't have the time, nor the age nor the energy to cater for their endless needs for adulation, attention, constant praise, comforting and other self centered activities...I no longer have the patience for it nor the tolerance required and the endless hours of listening to long boring monologues about who else but themselves...These men need a nurse, a therapist or some Geisha girl, they don't need a partner...
I feel on that front I've paid my dues, over paid actually...heavily taxed more like it...I've given enough, more than enough of my attention, time, energy, affection, love, listening, understanding and the rest...and frankly when I look back, I see I did not get much in return...I just fulfilled my role the way I was taught...and I got crumbs in exchange...I felt I was stuck in some zone that can only be qualified as mediocre, at best.
And some years back, I decided the wheel had to turn, change had to take place...I tied the knot, untied it, after finding myself in a thousand knots...and said to myself - ENOUGH!
I will no longer tolerate anything below MY STANDARDS anymore...I made my life much simpler that way...everything became clear to me, including who is worthy of my time and who is not...
So yes I feel enormous gratitude...I live a life that is in line with what I believe in, it might not be the exact life that I had hoped for, but it still is in line with what I believe in....it has congruence and coherence -- and if I ever let anyone in again, in any serious way, then I expect that person to share the same standards and values as I and who strives to live by them...
Only then would I consider sticking it through....knowing full well, that there will always be knots to untie...
