Thursday 16 February 2012

A Dark Chapter in Women's Souls. 2

Now for the fun part -- well actually it is not a fun part at all, it is venom in your system. And as I said in my previous post, my aim is first and foremost personal, to expiate, exorcise, and purge this venom out of my system.

Male readers must be overjoyed by now, because usually my posts are "rants" about male shadows today am offering them a breather from "bashing"and will address the female shadows. Jealousy is one of them and in my opinion one of the densest, ugliest one around.

As I said before, I will be talking from personal experience, I will recount all the million of ways female jealousy has hurt me in my being, in my self esteem, in my self confidence, in my personal relationships, in my love relationships...and there are millions of ways that this ugly snake penetrates in your system and in your life...literally a million of ways.

But if you have been the "victim" of that snake, with time you become an expert in recognizing it and very fast, very quickly... and am hoping by sharing my experience, you will find your own way to stop it before it poisons the whole of you.

So having differentiated or attempted to differentiate between envy and jealousy, I will just use for simplification's sake the word -- jealousy -- in this post.

Only God knows how much I have suffered from other women's jealousy - which I will call the poisonous arrows. Some arrows are milder than others, and some less intense and won't dig deep into your being as others, but they are poisonous arrows nonetheless.

I have experienced the whole poisonous arrow spectrum both in real life and in virtual life, in my professional life, in my "friendships",  in my social life, and even from female system, my being has been so fine tuned to these kind of arrow attacks that I IMMEDIATELY feel them coming, it does not matter how these arrows are presented, they can be wrapped up in the "nicest" of wrappings, sugarcoated, sweet talked...and these happen to be the deadliest...and sometimes they fall like pointed nails out of the blue when you least expect them, and sometimes they are plain nasty and mean in a gratuitous way.

If one is not aware, which I wasn't before and had to learn the hard way to recognize them, one does not know what is happening to oneself. I sure didn't. For many years, I would feel depleted when am with x, y, or z and not know why.  I would leave a gathering, a meeting, a conversation and feel so down for no apparent reason. I felt my energy sapped out of me, my self esteem down in my socks, my confidence in my being demolished to zero and I would not know why... It took me many, many  years,  to recognize the snake and to have the courage to call it by its name. It wasn't easy, it wasn't a one day transformation and it wasn't a straightforward required much poisonous arrows for me to wake up. The flip side is now -- am so allergic to that character trait in women that I have limited my female friendships to the strict minimum. Acquaintances are a different ball game, I can brush these off easily, but in female friendships where I have invested, it becomes more difficult. In other words, I find myself now in avoidance mode and when am not in avoidance mode, I am cautious. Why ? Because women who are jealous of you, deep down don't want you to succeed. That's why. And that's putting it simply.

Why you may think to yourself, you must be paranoid Layla. No am far from being paranoid, I am actually very lucid and aware...because I know that these arrows and the people who throw them are ENERGETIC parasites and/or vampires. (women are not the only ones that qualify as energetic parasites/vampires men do too, but since the topic is intra female jealousy I will stick to females)

If you are TUNED IN, you will IMMEDIATELY feel an Energetic parasite/vampire. You will feel it in your energy level and if you are not tuned into your energy level you will feel it in your body, or in your emotional being and you will brush it off as feeling "down". Or the atmosphere around you changes, it becomes heavy, dull, you say I need fresh air, something is not right, some static parasite was in the air, you are right to feel that way...the static parasite is not only in the air but is in your energy field, in you.

But I will not get into that aspect now because most of you will not understand it. What I will do and am doing it for primarily for me is to list a sample of the million of ways how these arrows can be recognized. I will draw on my memory and on those instances that I recall so vividly past and not so past to illustrate what am talking about.

And for that I need another chapter, to break it down in small pieces, so I can finally digest and vomit it out

to be continued in part 3...