Thursday 16 February 2012

A Dark Chapter in Women's Souls. 3

I need to keep on writing because I don't wish to be distracted away from the subject matter nor run away from the memories and feelings that accompany the memories. I want to face them in all their ugliness and expose them fully, and in doing so I like to believe am rendering a service to others...hopefully a way to become more reach a new level of awareness.

If am mentioning the word awareness here, it is ALSO because some of these poisonous arrows are sent forth unconsciously, outside the realm of conscious awareness of the thrower. It is not always the case though,  some are predetermined, willful, voluntary and some are not...but IT DOES NOT MATTER, because your energy field, your being, doesn't recognize what is conscious or unconscious, it will stock them.

As a matter of fact the conscious willful deliberate "sticks in your wheels" are easier to deal with. You can stop them consciously. The other less apparent, visible ones, are more difficult to detect.

As I mentioned in part 1 and 2 there are a million of ways these take place, and the ultimate aim is "not wanting you to succeed". Some of you are too literal, and they immediately associate success with material gain. I ask of you to widen your mind and take in the word Success in its larger meaning.

Whatever is your dream, your wish, your secret passion, your objective, your goal --- is your road to Success. Intra Female jealousy makes sure you will either not achieve them or be thwarted in achieving them...

I also mentioned the million of ways this takes place and now I will illustrate the ways so that you may recognize them in yourselves and in your life...

Starting from when you were a girl,  remember that girl in school who kept putting you down (they call it today bullying), remember how she made fun of how you looked, remember how she called you stupid, dumb even though you did well in class...add your own examples. Well that was no bullying that was jealousy.

You grew up into a teen, you were interested in boys, a particular boy liked you and you liked him, and you rushed to tell your girlfriend, remember how she told you he was no good, that he didn't like you at all, that he wasn't interesting or interested when your gut told you differently -- that was jealousy.

Building upon these earlier memories, am sure to find more recent ones in adulthood...and I will share a personal few here, and then I will qualify with more generalities about the women who are pathologically jealous and the possible remedy for it, if  at all.

The reason am sharing a few personal ones here is because am sure some of you will recognize it in their lives or will learn how to recognize the poison. These will not be in some chronological order, memory doesn't store in chronological order so I will type as they come along...these live examples are for me a reminder, a booster dose -- to remember the "methods" of the snake.

- Once I was in a shop trying out a dress, I was younger and naive and in need of affirmation/confirmation from an "authority"  I looked into the mirror and my first reaction was -- yes, you look real good in it.  In, walks the saleswoman, triple my size, I still remember her face. She says -- do you need some help with that. So naively I ask her what she thought of the dress on me. Her reaction was almost violent, she shook her head -- no no no, you look so fat in it. She was  triple my size and mine was a small. That was jealousy. In the same vein, I kept a few garments when I was size small, I look at the waist size, it's really  small , and I remember ALL the comments I received from "girlfriends" about how fat I was. I wasn't fat at all. I These women didn't want me to succeed in the way I looked/ in my female power of attraction. And that's  jealousy.

-  Another vivid memory, is when I was first exiled, and moved into this apartment , I had no furniture, so I bought plastic furniture which was the cheapest I could find. The type of furniture you put in your garden or balcony, basically white plastic.  But being the ingenious Iraqi that I am, I decided to beautify it. I got some cushions and some cheap but pretty throw overs, and covered this plastic furniture, added a few colorful pillows, found a second hand table for peanuts but was solid engraved wood, bought a couple of candles and some plants and flowers, hung my favorite paintings and decided to have a flat warming party. I invited a few "friends". One I remember distinctly...when she walked in she gasped. Her eyes furtively scanned the room, checking out every detail, and then in poisoned voice said - you must be rich to buy all these furniture  -- and I saw her hand move under the cushions to check out what kind of furniture it was plastic.  She was perturbed for the rest of the evening. This woman lived in a beautifully decorated villa that she owned.  These are women who don't want you to succeed in your material life. And that's  jealousy.

-  Another example of another "girlfriend", every time I shared with her my interest about a guy, she would sneak into it and suddenly that particular guy became an object of interest to her. She'd be quick to strike a friendship with him, and "innocently joke" about (because I had many of that sort) actually went as far as sleeping with my then boyfriend. She was my best friend.  When I confronted her, she said - so what I like him. These women am referring to were all married.  They just coveted what I had or wanted to have. Had I not expressed interest in these guys or shared it with them they would have not done at thing. Or the married woman who goes hysterical with her own venom  (and tries very hard to cover it up, when she knows you're dating someone she happens to know, she starts prying and snooping around to see where you are at, trying so hard to get out info from you) These are women who don't want you to succeed in your love life.  And that's  jealousy.

- Another example of another "girlfriend", who was "so sweet". When I announced to her that I was getting married, I felt the sky tumble down on her. And when I invited her to my wedding party, she was frowning all the time and then on my wedding day, later proceeded to grotesquely flirt with my then husband. That woman on the surface was full of good intentions towards me, but when push came to shove, her poison showed. She could not bear to see me happy.  She didn't want me to succeed in my marriage. That was her intention. And that's was jealousy.

-  Or the nice, innocent "girlfriend" who props you up, and supposedly encourages and admires you but her facial expression, her tone of voice, a slip or two of the tongue, belie all her "good intentions" every time you share with her that you actually achieved one little thing --as an example she'd go --- oh that's wonderful, you deserve it" but... or  --oh that's great --  and every single facial expression of hers show that she just died a little inside. These are women who don't want you to achieve anything. And that's jealousy.

-  Or the girlfriend in some sort of trouble, you have supported and helped time and time again, when she has rushed to you at odd hours of day or night, cried on your shoulder, and you cooked for her, and let her sleep over, and when she meets a guy and gets married, she invites everyone else to her wedding and not you.  Or your female friends with whom you spent much time talking and "sharing and caring", suddenly exclude you from an event that they will be all attending. These women fear you will outshine them, so they isolate you. And that's jealousy.

- Or the girlfriend who meets you in a public gathering or a party, and you look particularly good and feel particularly good in your skin that day/night and she says at the top of her voice in the middle of the crowd --  nice outfit, am sure knowing you you must have bought it so cheap, is it polyester ?  These are women who will put you down in public trying to break your social self. And that's jealousy.

- Or the student "friend" whom you have taught for years, and when asked who her teacher was, pretends she never knew you and worst of all copies, steals your work and accredits it to herself .These are women who will steal from you. And that's jealousy.

- Or the work colleague/ friend with whom you spent hours talking after work, listening to her woes and giving encouragement, advice and solutions and you find out she's been backbiting gossiping and slandering you behind your back...because you and she know- you are good at what your doing. These kind of women don't want you to succeed professionally. And that's jealousy.

- Or the girlfriend under the guise of constructive criticism will find fault in everything you say, do or create, will put it to you in a subtle way, innuendos, a slip of the tongue, a misplaced word, a look, a frown, a tone of voice, a facial expression...These are women who want you to remain where you are and better still want to break your creative you. And that's jealousy.

- Or the girlfriend, or that girlfriend or this girlfriend who will steal from you --- your things, your ideas, your work, your boyfriends, or the other who will flirt with them, or fuck them or cajole them  or the other who demeans you, mocks you,  or the other who backbites you, stabs you, or gaslights you, and and's endless...and am getting tired....

Will conclude -- if at all possible to conclude this dark chapter of women's soul -- in part 4.

to be continued...